Long Hollow

Today is my mother's 80th birthday. 

A few years ago, in honor of her 77th birthday, I started compiling a list of things she has taught me. Each year since then, on her birthday, I've added to it. 

This year, I've had trouble with #80. Not trouble coming up with something – if my mother lives to be 1000 I could come up with something every year because I'm still learning from her. My problem has been narrowing it down to one thing.

I thought of Keep it simple when she insisted on celebrating with a quiet family dinner at Sudie's Catfish House, followed by cake at the house, instead of the big celebration with friends and extended family that my sister and I wanted to throw her.

I thought of Be someone others can depend on when I opened my eyes this morning in what used to be my grandmother's room in my parents' house, remembering how she moved in with us when I was two and, except for a few years, lived with Mama and Daddy until her death. It wasn't always an easy situation, but my mother was willing to make the sacrifice because she knew her mother needed her.

The colorful cards standing in formation on the sideboard, proclaiming happy birthday wishes from her kids, lifelong friends, nieces and nephews reinforced that one, reminding me of all the times over the years family dropped in unexpected or called for her advice. She never hesitated helping anyone.

She isn't a pushover - woe to anyone who tries to take advantage of her.  If someone is in need, they can count on her. I can't begin to count the ways or times she's caught me from falling. And after my sister's hip surgery this year, sheer love and determination gave Mama the strength to care for her.

I thought about how she has a way of seeing through a person, an ability to overlook flaws and see the good, and I remembered this quote:

“A friend is one to whom one may pour out the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that gentle hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.” ~ George Eliot

That's my mother. She's been hurt and disappointed by people, but she doesn't hold one person's sins against another, and she's quick to forgive (if there's sincere repentance.)

The thing is, my mother is all of these things. She's dependable. She's forgiving. She loves with all her heart.

In essence, she knows people are more important than things. Her actions, her life, have always reflected this.

Thank you for all you do and for who you are, Mama! Happy birthday! I love you!

Things Mama has taught me…

1. it's never too late to learn something new
2. if you have a choice between laughter and tears, choose laughter.
3. don't let anyone mess with your babies!
4. only give advice when asked for it (I'm still working on that one)
5. pray every day
6. pray some more
7. reading a good book might not solve your problems, but it's a nice escape from them
8. bend but never break
9. some people are just takers
10. be nice whenever possible, but sometimes nice doesn't cut it
11. take care of family
12. we're all individuals – let your kids blossom into themselves, not "mini-me's"
13. be there
14. Johnny Weismuller is the best movie Tarzan
15. don't be in a rush to be older than you are – you're only going to be this age once in your life
16. if you like something, and you'll use it, and you can afford it, then buy it, or you'll regret it later
17. quality over quantity
18. never think "can't"
19. people will stand in line for a dead skunk if it's free
20. roll with the punches
21. have fun
22. laugh often
23. believe in yourself
24. don't let others change who you are
25. be honest
26. don't steal
27. forgive yourself
28. God loves me
29. don't judge
30. just do it!
31. inside matters more than outside
32. don't use God's name in vain
33. you can learn anything if you put your mind to it
34. you're never too old to dance
35. it's okay to ask for help
36. show appreciation and express gratitude
37. use my manners
38. consider the source
39. an office or position of authority should be respected, but the individual in that position has to earn your respect
40. sleep is good
41. take advantage of opportunities
42. keep your eyes open and your wits about you
43. people aren't always nice
44. things can't make you happy
45. use your imagination
46. just get started and the rest will be easy
47. don't be intimidated by anyone – we're all the same, all human, we all have strengths and weaknesses
48. you can love someone even if you don't like them
49. forgive but don't forget
50. learn from others' mistakes
51. there are times for being patient, and time for putting your foot down
52. speak up
53. stand up for what you believe in
54. admit your mistakes and expect others to do the same
55. persistance pays off
56. let your kids be kids
57. love unconditionally
58. take lots of pictures
59. kids grow up fast
60. your kids need a mother, not another friend
61. pets are family
62. help others
63. a sense of humor is essential for sanity and survival
64. if you look close enough, you can find something to love about everyone
65. coffee is good anytime
66. messes can be cleaned up
67. prayer works
68. God is strong all the time – let him carry you
69. if you say you're going to do something, do it
70. be nice to yourself in case no one else is
71. you have to show respect to get respect
72. girls are tough
73. don't put up with temper tantrums
74. listen to your body – doctors don't know everything
75. don't say everything you're thinking
76. asking questions is the best way to learn something
77. your babies are always your babies (and their babies are your babies, too!)
78. God is. 
79. Just listen. 
80. People are more important than things.