A day with our kids and other families, swimming in a cold river, eating fresh pineapple, grilling burgers… a night spent laughing and dancing to Johnny Dee and the Rocket '88s… and then a phone call early on that Tuesday morning afterwards that made me realize how much I had been taking for granted and how quickly life can change directions.

That Tuesday was fourteen years ago today. Tom left for work, expecting it to be like any other day, but it wasn't.  He didn't expect the other car to come into his lane, didn't expect to spend a week in the hospital or the summer trying to heal and recover instead of building our home. He didn't expect to live with pain for the next fourteen years.

But that's what happened, whether he expected it or not. And the thing is, we got through it. We built our home… not that summer, but there were other summers, and I'm grateful for that. We've spent more days swimming in cold water with family and friends, and evenings laughing and dancing. I don't think a day goes by when Tom isn't in some degree of pain, but somehow he moves on and doesn't let it stop him from doing what he needs, or wants, to do.

(I took notes and turned them into an essay as therapy… click "In the Aftermath of a Car Crash" if you want to read more about it.)

It wasn't the last unexpected detour in our road we've encountered, and I'm sure there are more waiting for us. I can't say I'm grateful it happened. I'd love to tell you something positive that came from it, but honestly, I haven't been able to see that ray of light yet. Perhaps it's shining where I can't see it. I can only hope so.

But I'm still grateful, period, that whatever roadblock is in front of us now, we're approaching it together.

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Life is just too short for grudges and regrets that burn holes in your heart, for dwelling on the past or the future so long that you miss your today.

It's too short not to pursue your passion even if you only have a few seconds free each day to do it.

Too short to sit back and wait for things to happen, or for someone else to do it, or to make excuses.

Too short not to love with your whole heart, leaving no room for pride or selfishness, always trying to understand, listen, forgive, and ask forgiveness.

Too short not to take care of yourself and those you love.

Life is just too short, period, and too wonderful to take for granted.

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(I've spared you the most graphic images of Tom. His face was split open. You're welcome.)

And now for a few sweet! moments of my week…

Sunday: chunks of time for writing; sitting in a dark theater, laughing at Dark Shadows with 2/3 of your kids, flashing back to watching the series with your dad; theater popcorn, courtesy of your son; giving my time for a friend

Monday: being asked to critique a high schooler's short story; friends pulling together to support another friend; a framed photo of you and your daughter from more than a decade ago sitting on your desk while you work, a belated Mother's Day gift from your baby girl

Tuesday: a songbird greeting you first thing in the morning; a day with your daughter, running errands, grocery shopping, meeting her new roommates; a funny movie with friends; popcorn for dinner twice in one week

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Wednesday: Texas farmland and wide open spaces; supporting a dear friend as she says goodbye to her mother; catching up with long-time friends; your husband taking care of a mama mouse and her babies that he found in the garage, rather than put them outside where they'd surely be eaten by a snake 

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(but now what do we do with them???)

Thursday: working out for the first time in a week; hours free to work on your book; two walks with your dogs in one day; friends who send you links to freelance jobs; not having to drive anywhere all day! 

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Friday: turtles and yellow-crowned night heron sightings, even if you forgot to bring your zoom lens on your morning walk (do you spot it up there in the drying-up pond?); your puppy pouncing through the tall grass after lizards; scratching things off your to-do list; a call from your sister; sigh-evoking engagement photos of your son and his love; your baby girl home for the weekend

Saturday: having your husband by your side, through good days and bad days

Share your sweet moments with me! I think sharing makes them sweeter.

I hope your coming week is full of sweet, magical moments and that you remember not to take a single one for granted!

This world, after all our science and sciences, is still a miracle; wonderful, inscrutable, magical and more, to whosoever will think of it.

~Thomas Carlyle

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9 responses to “Thinking of another Memorial Day Weekend (plus my Sweet!s of My Week)”

  1. Debbie B Avatar
    Debbie B

    Your post today reminds of this quote:
    “It is a curious thing in human experience, but to live through a period of stress and sorrow with another person creates a bond which nothing seems able to break.”
    Eleanor Roosevelt
    I hope your sweet! moment from today lasts another lifetime long!
    Happy Memorial Day and enjoy the holiday weekend.

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  2. Liz White Avatar
    Liz White

    Wow…I can relate to what Tom (and you) have gone through the last 14 years. I have a very similar story. It was 15 years ago, Valentine’s day…I was in my brand new minivan and a 16 year old driver swerved into my lane and we had a head-on collision. She was fine and walked away from the wreckage. I, however, was not as lucky…I ended up with a spiral fracture of the right tibia and fibula (from jamming on the brakes at the time of impact) and a cut on my face (from the airbag?) and a deep bruise/nerve damage on my left thigh. I live with extreme pain every day and have yet to find the ‘silver lining’ other than I’m still alive for my kids. It changed my life so dramatically. It looks like from the photos that Tom also had a right leg injury? The similarities are amazing. You do just have to keep plugging along and do what you can and try to make the best of life. Thanks for sharing your story!

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  3. kelly Avatar

    You are so right, life is much too short for all of those things. I love that you are so filled with love and hope and optimism.
    Sweet moments… this week, much working in my garden, a pileated woodpecker taking up residence in the woods that along the driveway, a naughty kitten climbing into m lap for a snuggle as I drink my morning tea. Simple things, the tiny, lovely moments that make up a life.
    xo

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  4. Lissa @ lafcustomdesigns Avatar

    Happy Memorial Day, my friend. This is a perfect example that we never know what another has gone through unless they are willing to share. Blessings to you and your husband as you move forward another year and many more.
    Love your heron. I’ve never seen a yellow-crowned Beautiful! I have had the occasion to capture a Great Blue Heron on a couple of occasions. Would love to get a close-up one day. Yes, gotta have that zoom lens ready. ;->
    Thanks for sharing your “sweets.” a very good habit.

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  5. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Thank you, Lissa. I do wish I'd had my zoom – this is the second time I've seen the yellow-crowned without it, and he's actually a great model. Our Great Blue flies at first sight or sound of us! I should know better by now than to leave home without it!

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  6. Lady Fi Avatar

    What a story! You’re right of course – life is too short, too precious for bitterness… So inspiring – thanks.

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  7. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Thanks, Fi! It's something I have to continually remind myself of, even after going through this.

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  8. Wolf Pascoe Avatar

    You’d never know, just hanging out with Tom, the pain he lives with. How sweet about the mice. I’d probably have just turned them outside without thinking.

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  9. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    I tend to forget about his pain myself. He's amazing. But as far as the mice go, we've had enough snakes around here lately, I bet you would have thought twice, too.

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