Long Hollow

Perseverance, Christmas Parties, and other sweet!s

December 21, 2014

On my way to a friend's Christmas party last night, I stopped to buy a bottle of wine. It didn't take me long to find just the right one: Perseverance.

I had no idea if it was any good, but I loved the name and it was affordable. That's the kind of wine afficianado I am. I ended up buying three: one for the party, one for a client, and one for me.

The party was at my friend Darla's house. She's the ultimate hostess, always going overboard. I've been lucky enough to have her throw a couple of surprise birthday parties for me in the past. She's the main reason I'm now typing on this gorgeous Mac!

So I wasn't surprised to find a tableful of irresistable culinary delights in the dining room (bacon with pecans and syrup!) and several stations set up outside on the deck: a hot chocolate station, a popcorn station, and a s'more station. She also had two firepits, a heater, and a basket of blankets out there, with plenty of cute signs and candles.

She's nuts! But I love going to her parties.

This afternoon I finally decorated my house for Christmas and, with Daniel's help, emptied my living room of boxes. I'll leave it all up until Epiphany, January 6, so it's really not too late.

Most of my decorations are sentimental – a lot of them handmade by my kids years ago – so decorating is always a trip down Christmas-memory lane for me. I don't think I've bought anything new since the mid-90's. It's pure kitsch, but I love it.

One of my favorites – a collection of Christmas books. I finally gathered most of them together last year out of a dozen different boxes.

Now, for the time to sit and read each one again… that would be pretty sweet!

Here are a few other sweet!s from the past week…

Monday: a day at home to try to get caught up; a friend taking the time to visit your mom; real estate closings; helping a friend buy a lakefront lot; decorating your Christmas tree and watching "Elf" with your kids

Tuesday: learning about commercial real estate and visiting with a past client; a fellow pastoral council member opening his home for your December meeting, providing a hearty stew, good wine, and great fellowship

Wednesday: morning walks with your puppy; finally ordering the bifocals you've been holding off on for years, thanks to some leftover health account money; paydays

Thursday: winning a Mary Kay Cosmetics door prize; a good report from your mom's physical and occupational therapist; watching "Guns of Navarone" with your mom

Friday: visiting with a friend and meeting her sweet puppy dog; patient aides who work with your mom; a sister who takes care of your mom's Medicaid paperwork; a pot of chili on a chilly night; a good movie with your son

Saturday: a visit with, and a blessing from, your Confirmation priest; your son dusting and vacuuming for you; getting together with friends at a Christmas party; neighborhood Christmas lights; fun gifts from friends who know you really well

Sunday: your son blocking your puppy in his room so she doesn't wake you up too early; swapping real estate horror stories with friends; watching Christmas Hallmark movies with your mom; finally decorating your house for Christmas and clearing the boxes from your living room

I hope you've had a week full of sweet!s, and the next overflows with blessings!

May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through!

~Author Unknown
Blessings in Disguise…

December 15, 2014

Mama and I were visiting in her room yesterday when the sound of Christmas carols reached our ears, even over the high volume of her roommate's television. I stepped into the hall. It was coming from the dining room.

She wanted to go listen, so a couple of aides helped get her situated in the hoyer and into her chair. It's a lot more difficult than it sounds, requiring Mama to roll from side to side as they get the canvas sling beneath her. The large mechanical lift itself has to be retrieved from another hall.

Consequently, just as we reached the dining room, the performance ended.

I wheeled her back to her room. It was time for me to go, so I gathered up her laundry basket, gave her a kiss, and headed down the hallway. But on a whim I made a detour into the dining room. Sure enough, a few carolers lingered.

Five minutes later, the carolers crowded into Mama's small room and gave her a short, private performance. She beamed and sang along.

It was much easier to tell her goodbye after that.

My tree still stands naked … boxes of decorations are gathering dust in the middle of my livingroom … I have yet to order my Christmas cards, much less address and mail them … I've done no shopping, and have barely thought about what we'll have for Christmas dinner.

But when holiday stress over these yet-to-do's starts building, I'm going to remind myself of those few moments with Mama and of those carolers who agreed on a private encore just to make her happy. Those are the memories that make Christmas special.

Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas. ~Peg Bracken

Mama has only been back in her room a couple of days. She made another trip to the emergency room on Tuesday. Not a fall, but just as scary: She choked on a tater tot. Her nurse said they couldn't get her breathing under control, and she even turned blue on them a couple of times.

However, by the time I caught up to Mama in the ER, she was breathing without wheezing and her color was great, thanks to numerous nebulizer treatments and a steroid IV. In fact, she was her twinkly, flirty self.

Even though her chest X-ray looked fine, they decided to keep her overnight for observation, in case she aspirated some of the tot. It would irritate and inflame the lungs, causing a type of pneumonia.

Thank goodness the follow-up X-ray the next day looked okay, and she passed a swallow test, but it was already so late in the day by the time they finished, they felt they should watch her another night just to make sure.

Everyone made a big fuss over her when she arrived back at the nursing home the next day. I didn't even nag her about eating lunch in bed.

It was a huge relief that she suffered no ill-effects from the incident, of course, but the surprise blessing is she gets a brand-new session of physical and occupational therapy, thanks to the stint in the hospital.

I'll keep trying to stop by there or call her early each day to nag… um, encourage her to get out of bed when physical therapy comes calling. It will be a Christmas miracle if she's strong enough to leave the home and celebrate at our house, but then, I believe in miracles.

Despite the unexpected visit to the hospital, there were plenty of sweet!s this past week….

Monday: being able to slow down enough to let a roadrunner cross the highway in front of you safely; your mom moving herself through the halls to see the Christmas tree in the foyer of her nursing home; being able to spend lots of time with her; an orange egg-shaped moon playing peek-a-boo on the hilly horizon with you

Tuesday: calls on your listings; finally having a closing date for one of your new home buyers; caregivers who act fast getting her to the emergency room when your mom chokes on her food

Wednesday: a glorious sunrise; meeting your new neighbor; the doctor determining your mother did NOT aspirate any tater tot; your mom released from the hospital; your daughter making the four dozen cookies you need for a cookie exchange because you're too busy with your mom; cookie exchanges

Thursday: morning sounds… your feet shuffling through dried leaves, the distant crow of a rooster, and the chirps of birds just waking up; a glimpse of the moon peeking through morning clouds

Friday: hitching a ride on a golf cart from the parking lot when you're wearing heels; dancing at Christmas parties with friends; photo booths; a shooting star flashing right in front of you; enjoying a meteor shower with your daughter

No silly ones – I had a tough enough time trying to figure out where to look!

Saturday: meeting a new client while trying out a new coffee bistro; stopping by their home for a visit with your son, daughter-in-law, and grandpuppy; the sight of Santa riding down South Congress on a horse; catching up with old friends at a Christmas party

Sunday: enjoying Christmas music with your mom; carolers who will give your mom a private performance; the rain waiting until you're in the grocery store to start, and then stopping before you come back out; a son who will cook dinner; a call from a dear friend

I hope you have a blessed week full of love and miracles, no matter what holiday you're celebrating this season. Be sure to share your sweet! moments from the past week in the comments! I'm sure you can think of something!

When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?

~G.K. Chesterton
Don’t Stop Believing!

December 7, 2014

I didn't become Catholic because they consider it okay to dance and drink, but I have to admit, those are great fringe benefits!

Every year I look forward to our parish "adult" Christmas party, where there's always great food, great dance music, a huge dance floor, and a mostly older crowd who make me feel young and old at the same time. There are some 80+-year-olds who can out-dance me!

Tonight I expected to go, eat, and leave, because I had so much work to do. I didn't even bring my big-girl camera. But I met new people at my table, saw some old friends, and this great band was playing…

The next thing I knew, I was one of the last ones there, as always.

There were four of us women still on the dance floor when the band said good night. We convinced them to play an encore. They acquiesced, choosing "Don't Stop Believing", the perfect lead-in for the post I'd already written for today…

It's been almost a year since my mom made the move from Houston to Austin. Things haven't gone quite as well as I hoped … she's had two trips to the emergency room and is much weaker now than when we made that 4 hour road trip last year.

But she is still my mom. I can talk to her about everything that's going on in my life, just as I always could. I am blessed that way. She's still a great support and sounding board. And I think it helps her to know I still need her that way.

But in the same breath, she'll refer to my dad as if he's alive. We're on a totally different playing field, and it's taken some getting used to. She knows he's passed on, but there are times she just refuses to accept it.

In her previous life, my mom was a CPS – a Certified Professional Secretary. It was a big deal. You had to pass a test. She worked all while I was growing up, and then beginning in 1975, she also took care of my quadriplegic brother in the evening when she got home from work.

Her nature has always been that of a nightowl who loved staying up late and sleeping half the day, unless she had to get up for work or some other good reason.

It's unfortunate that nursing homes don't operate on that time schedule. Physical therapy comes by in the morning. She refuses them. By the time she's awake enough to participate, they're gone for the day.

Consequently, she's gotten weaker and weaker. This week, they categorized her as a hoyer-lift patient because they say it took four people to weigh her. A hoyer-lift patient is pretty much a jellyfish, not having to use any muscles to get in and out of bed, or even to the bathroom.

However, when they said they had to move her to another hall because she was now a hoyer patient, I reminded them that she did fine with two people assisting her until one aide ignored the "Two Person" assistance notice and tried to move her on her own. Consequently, Mama landed on her knees. The very next day, it took four people to weigh her.

So, they gave me a week. If she shows improvement and cooperates, she won't have to move.

I am now officially her coach.

Yesterday morning I arrived at 11:30 and she was still in bed. I pushed the button to call the aides to get her out of bed and when they asked her if she would eat lunch in the dining room, I answered for her: Yes.

She eats really, really slow. We were the last ones in the dining room. Her nurse had her nebulizer treatment already set up, so I got her started on that, then went to find a portable oxygen tank. When she finished her treatment, I hooked her up to the portable tank so she could take a "stroll" down the hall, using her hands and feet to propel herself, rather than someone pushing her.

I want her to build her strength. I don't want her to be a jellyfish on the other hall, and she doesn't want to be, either. I told her she had to want that in an active way, not just a theoretical way.

That's true for all of us, isn't it? If we want something, we have to take the action that will get us there, not just wish for it to magically happen.

I was there four hours yesterday, and two today, but most days I can only be with her an hour. So please, please, please keep my mom in your prayers, as well as her aides and nurses. They have a tough job. I'm depending on them to keep her moving and gaining strength.

Don't stop believing… (and please keep her in your prayers!)

Being there for my mom and dancing tonight are definitely both sweet!s of this week.

Here are a few more…

Tuesday: property tours that include lots of lake views; singing Christmas carols with your mom; investor clients; online classes you can attend at your convenience

Wednesday: your son's 29th birthday; remembering the day you became a mom; spending time with your own mom

Thursday: the silence of a foggy morning; showing properties; bathroom inspiration; discovering new restaurants with your daughter; remembering your sister's wedding 10 years ago; hanging out with twenty-somethings

Friday: showing more properties; seeing results from nagging your mom; reaching the halfway mark in your new class; watching a full moon climb up through the tree branches

Saturday: the company of house-dogs; working out six days in a row; getting to spend four hours with your mom; sunsets in the hill country; quick catch-ups with friends; new clients

Sunday: walking through a carpet of autumn leaves; enjoying beautiful Christmas and gospel music with your mom; an evening spent visiting with friends, making new ones, and dancing

I hope you had a week full of sweet! moments, and the next is overflowing. Share them here!

And remember, don't stop believing!

When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."

~Author Unknown
My son, at not quite 30…

December 3, 2014

He doesn't take himself too seriously.

For instance, this is his latest post on Facebook…

"I jogged through the seven levels of the Candy Cane forest, through the sea of swirly twirly gum drops, and then I walked through the Lincoln Tunnel… To Bangers for a beer."

It makes me so happy to know he's secure enough, and fun-loving enough, to dress as an elf and run through the streets of Austin on an Elf Pub Run. Also, that he can quote Will Ferrell in "Elf".

Of course I'm also proud that he's an awesome insurance agent who was smart enough to fall in love with that gorgeous redhead beside him.

He volunteers to host Thanksgiving for 20 people.

Including roasting the turkey. Yum.

He doesn't let things shake him up.

After an 8 hour drive, which included hitting a huge deer on a dark highway 30 minutes outside of Lubbock, and then only 4 hours of sleep, he ran 14 miles in freezing weather with his wife because it was important to her to keep up with her marathon training.

Plus , it was her birthday weekend.

"Ninja training: 8 hour road trip, 4 hours sleep, 14 mile run. Now endurance tailgating with Tx Tech girls."

Can I brag some more? He's an Eagle Scout, he visits his grandmother regularly, runs marathons despite having struggled with asthma all through his childhood, has the before-mentioned successful insurance business…

All in all, he lives life to the fullest.

But it's still hard to believe it's been 29 years since this…

Who knew then that he would be my hero?

Yes, I'm a proud, extremely grateful mom.

Happy 29th birthday to my Sunshine Boy.

You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
Thanksgiving, Advent, and other sweet!s of the week…

December 1, 2014

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I did. I feel especially blessed that in my 55 years I've only been responsible for the whole dinner a handful of times, thanks to my mom and, more recently, my son and daughter-in-law.

For the second year in a row, my son did an amazing job on the turkey, a huge 21-pounder! There was a ton of other delicious stuff… gorgeous appetizers, casseroles, desserts.

I brought the cornbread dressing, my mother's recipe. It wouldn't be Thanksgiving for me without it.

(I also brought a green salad, but it was mostly for show. It takes up way too much room on a plate!)

Even though my mom wasn't strong enough yet to join us at my son's, she was too stuffed with turkey and dressing to eat any of the goodies we brought her on our way home that evening. I'm grateful for that, and for the staff of her nursing home who made sure the residents celebrated.

The next day we celebrated Thanksgiving again with friends. No skipping work-outs for me for the next few weeks, that's for sure!

Thanksgiving was just the first in this season of celebration. Yesterday was the first official day of Advent, a time when we (as in Christians) reflect on what we need to do to prepare for the second coming of Christ while commemorating his first coming – Christmas. A season for reflection of the past and the future.

A few years ago I googled "Advent" for another post and found a description on Spirit Home that I thought was perfect. I've chopped out bits to save space, but here it is…

Advent is a season of preparation. So's Lent, but it is a different kind of preparation. Lent is very adult and serious, because it leads to a death; originally, Lent readied new Christian adults for baptism. In Advent, we thank God for Christ's first coming, prepare for his final coming at the end of time, and celebrate Christ's presence among us today through the Spirit. God loved us and wanted to share that love. But this existence isn't well-suited for a god; it's too broken, evil, painful, unjust. So, to rescue the created world from this evil, God chose to come here and walk the earth, to grow up, to live the truth, and to die. The only way to start such a thing is as a baby, and the only way to be a baby is to be born. Hence Christmas. Because Christmas is centered in the new hope brought by a baby, it's a very child-oriented holiday. Because Advent leads us up to that baby, Advent is also child-oriented.

There's a time to get ready by focusing on your own sinfulness and wrongdoing, a time for personal transformation and following Christ to the cross. That's Lent. There's a time to get ready by rejoicing that our God is not far away and unfamiliar with the struggles of human life, that Christ is here right now among His followers, that God has already begun to bring in the Kingdom, and that Christ will come again to make it clear who really runs the place. That's Advent. "Lo, I am with you, even unto the end of the age", says Jesus.

"There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle.

The other is as if everything is."

~ Albert Einstein

I love that quote. And I do believe each day is full of miracles.

Keeping track of my sweet!s has helped me recognize them. Here are a few from the past week…

Monday: being able to start a new week and every new day with a morning walk; your mom agreeing to do her physical therapy

Tuesday: starting a new real estate class; a happy hour at sunset with friends

Wednesday: a blogger/writer friend's op-ed published in the LA Times; open parking spaces and short check-out lines when you procrastinate grocery shopping until the day before Thanksgiving; a pre-Thanksgiving phone call with your mother-in-law

Thursday: only being responsible for the cornbread dressing and green salad for Thanksgiving dinner; truly liking your daughter-in-law's family; creative appetizers; no traffic when you hit the road for Thanksgiving; another Wes Anderson movie with your son

Friday: the smell of fresh-baked brownies; sons who love to visit their grandmother; Thanksgiving Part 2 with friends

Saturday: three days in a row with no alarm clock; a "hello" from a raven on your morning walk; learning the difference between a crow and a raven; a silly movie with your son; finishing the edits on a special photography job

Sunday: referrals from friends; a spring-like day in winter; a glimpse of a Great Blue Heron disappearing over the treetops; two walks in one day with your puppy; your son calling to see if you need anything from the grocery store on his way home

Monday: the sound of the wind dancing in the treetops; your puppy running and running and running with joy and exuberance; spending a morning with a client viewing properties; a shadow-puppy/guard dog who follows you from room to room; your son getting a fire going when winter returns to your hollow

Beginning this Advent, I'm also going to work on being more aware and more supportive of my friends and family who are currently facing huge challenges. Time to pay it forward.

Whether you think about Advent or not, I hope your next few weeks are full of reflection, hope and joy.
Reflections on Gratitude, and “Lasts” (and Happy Thanksgiving to you!)

November 27, 2014

There's a small pond tucked into the bottom of a hill down the road from our house. It can be counted on to hold water when the others have all dried up, deep enough that our Max puppy could really swim in it sometimes, not just wade. He loved it.

One morning on our walk a few weeks before he left us, Max started up the trail that leads to the pond. I was nervous, because the sides of the pond are so steep and deep, and his legs were so weak, I knew if he went in, he'd never make it out by himself.

But after just a few steps in the direction of the pond, he stopped and looked back at me, as if he was thinking the same thing.

"Let's just go back to our pond, Max," I told him. "You can swim there."

He must have agreed, because he immediately turned around and headed back down the road to our house.

I visited that little pond yesterday morning for the first time since Max's last swim. I thought about him and all of the mornings Belle and I stood on the trail above the pond and waited for him while he soaked and swam.

I wondered if the last time he swam there, he knew it might be his last. (I know I didn't. He kept surprising me.)

Whether he realized it or not, I bet he cherished every minute of it, and gave thanks in whatever way dogs do that it was there.

We rarely know when we're experiencing the "last" of something … the last conversation or hug or kiss. The last walk with a beloved old puppy dog. Or the last Thanksgiving with a loved one.

All too often, we take it for granted there will be a "next time". We're human, after all, and life moves fast.

Last year we traveled to Houston to celebrate Thanksgiving a day late with my mom. I knew it would be the last time we celebrated in my childhood home, and that knowledge weighed on me every minute.

It was also the first Thanksgiving without Daddy. I was grateful for the chance to be there for Mama, but it was definitely a bittersweet celebration. In fact, I completely forgot about it until my sister reminded me yesterday.

I'd rather remember all the Thanksgivings there that came before it.

Today I'll be celebrating with my son, my daughter-in-law, and her extended family, just as we did last year. It might be a new tradition. It might not.

But it will be the "last" in some way, that's guaranteed, although I don't want to think about it like that. I just want to slow down and savor, to imprint the people I'm with and the moments of the day into my memory, and give thanks for them and all of the many blessings in my life…

…which includes you. I'm so grateful for you, and wish you a blessed Thanksgiving!
The Power of a Wheat Penny

November 24, 2014

Like my Daddy, and his daddy before him, I have a coin collection. My coins aren't categorized into small blue books like theirs, though. Mine -all wheat pennies - jingle around in an old bourbon bottle.

This doesn't look like much of a collection after fifty years, does it?

I'm not sure when or why I became enamored of wheat pennies. Maybe because they stopped being minted the year before I was born. Maybe because, as far as old coins go, they weren't that rare when I started.

Whatever the reason, I'm sure it was Daddy who introduced me to them and contributed the majority of them to my collection. Daddy had an eye for coins. He gave me every wheat penny he found, and his excitement at finding one in his change was contagious. I scoured every penny I came across for years, searching for those two stalks of wheat.

For some reason, whether lack of time (kids? life?) or lack of luck finding them, I stopped.

But earlier this week, on a day when my heart was feeling pretty heavy and wheat pennies were the last thing on my mind, I was reaching for my computer bag on the backseat when I spotted one resting alone, wheat-side up, smack dab in the middle of the rear floorboard hump of my car.

I think somehow Daddy put it there for me, encouraging me to hang in there, reminding me that he always believed in me, and always will.

Thank you, Daddy.

Here are a few other sweet!s from the past week…

Monday: finding out your kids survived their road trip, despite hitting a deer and encountering icy conditions; the knowledge that you did your best, even if things don't work out as well as you hoped; finding a wheat penny and feeling your daddy nearby

Tuesday: your mom agreeing to get out of bed, at least for a little while; meeting a new client in person; not having an accident in terrible stop-and-go traffic; a fun photo shoot with photogenic siblings

Wednesday: puppy kisses; continually learning; being able to offer support when loved ones lose their daddies

Thursday: free food and drinks, music, and a chance to catch up up with a sweet friend while touring beautiful new subdivisions; sunsets in the hill country; a Google City Expert event downtown with your son and daughter-in-law, where you get to sample some of the food, drink, and fun several Austin businesses have to offer

Friday: a Thanksgiving pot-luck gathering with your colleagues and time to visit with friends; clients ready to make an offer; still being able to talk to your mom about things weighing on your heart

Saturday: rain, rain, and more rain, but none of the dangerous thunderstorms that were predicted; watching yet another Wes Anderson movie with your son

Sunday: waking to sunshine and clear blue skies; the trickle of a little waterfall; a cousin who visits your mom and brings her gifts; a sliver moon floating on a sunset

Monday: watching the sun set treetops ablaze with golden morning light; forgiving yourself for not finishing your blog post on Sunday, as you intended; crossing a huge, dusty to-do off of your list

What was the sweetest moment of your past week? I hope this next one overflows with them for you.

Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance.

~Ruth E. Renkel
Birthday Snow

November 16, 2014

It snowed in Texas today, and it's not even Thanksgiving yet.

Granted, it was in Lubbock, up in the Panhandle, farther north than most of Texas. My son and daughter-in-law (a Texas Tech graduate) were there this weekend, celebrating her birthday, and she welcomed the snow as a special birthday gift. (I just hope it doesn't interfere with their drive home!)

I'm glad she had a special day, and a fun weekend, because she is such a special young woman. I feel so blessed that she is part of our family.

A daughter is a gift of love. ~Author Unknown

We've had unseasonably cold weather here in Austin, too, this past week. When winter decided to move south, it didn't waste any time.

I'm enjoying the change, though. I love the way a brisk cold wind slaps me truly awake on morning walks and seems to blow through my brain, like Mary Poppins in the nursery, putting things in order.

I know I'll be ready for warm days way before they actually return, but for now I'll enjoy a different wardrobe, the smell of woodsmoke, and not having to douse myself with mosquito spray before my morning walk.

Yesterday morning I wandered down to the little pond and for a change was able to linger awhile, without mosquitoes buzzing my face. I watched tiny birds flit from tree to tree, chattering to each other. A few American Beautyberries still graced a bush by the edge of the pond, but the paved terrace was littered with gold and rust colored leaves.

It was a typical Austin winter day and I won't complain, but I'll still keep my fingers crossed that at least one of these Canadian blasts brings a little snow with it all the way to Long Hollow.

Here are a few more sweet! moments from the past week…

Monday – your mom agreeing to get out of bed for physical therapy; sticking to your healthy eating regimen

Tuesday – the briskness of that first really cold morning; helping college students find housing; remembering those who sacrifice to keep your country safe

Wednesday: beautiful weather when showing properties; the first fire of the season; your mom up eating in the dining room when you expected to find her still lying in bed

Thursday: hot showers on cold mornings; helping your mom celebrate her birthday again; a haircut and re-blonding, a la Michael; homemade chili on a cold night

Friday: finding out you used to work with your new client's stepfather; discovering a healthy fast food restaurant; a husband who can start a fire in the blink of an eye

Saturday: your puppy letting you sleep in; a leisurely morning walk to your small pond with your puppy; working out details for a contract; a break from work to enjoy a Wes Anderson double-feature with your son

Sunday: Chicken Adobo that is yummy and easy to make; more time than usual to visit your mom; help getting groceries into the house on cold, misty evenings

I hope all of you had a great week (share your sweet!s in the comments!) and I hope this winter is just the right kind for you.

There is a privacy about it which no other season gives you…. In spring, summer and fall people sort of have an open season on each other; only in the winter, in the country, can you have longer, quiet stretches when you can savor belonging to yourself.

~Ruth Stout
Mama taught me… (Lesson #83 and happy birthday, Mama!)

November 13, 2014
My mother, who was born with a spirit of independence and "where there's a will there's a way" … who was my quadriplegic brother's primary caregiver even while working full-time … who others (not just family) always turned to for help …

… well, now she is dependent on a machine for oxygen, a wheelchair for mobility, and other people to help her with practically everything else.

She tries hard not to push that little white button that will summon help. Not because of false pride, but because she doesn't want to abuse the assistance.

She knows from personal experience how exhausting it can be, mentally and physically, to help a person with all of their basic needs, and she truly appreciates the aides who help her with hers. She hears other residents complaining, whining, constantly asking for help, so Mama tries to make sure she only calls when it's a real need.

(Sometimes she misjudges – and breaks her femur.)

When the aides and nurses come to help, she jokes with them and smiles often. So naturally, it seems they stop by to see her more often than the other residents. Wouldn't you?

She's a smart lady, my Mama.

But she has no ulterior motive in being pleasant. She just truly appreciates how hard they work.

They're not gray hairs. They're wisdom highlights.

~Author Unknown

Today is her 83rd birthday. We had a little party on Sunday, but the celebration has continued with cards and cookies arriving in the mail, and visitors bringing more sweets and balloons. I think she stayed in bed all day, which has always been one of her favorite pasttimes.

On her 77th birthday, I listed the things she had taught me in a blog post, and I've added to it every year. So without further ado, here's the list…

Things Mama has taught me…
1. it's never too late to learn something new
2. if you have a choice between laughter and tears, choose laughter.
3. don't let anyone mess with your babies!
4. only give advice when asked for it (I'm still working on that one)
5. pray every day
6. pray some more
7. reading a good book might not solve your problems, but it's a nice escape from them
8. bend but never break
9. some people are just takers
10. be nice whenever possible, but sometimes nice doesn't cut it
11. take care of family
12. we're all individuals – let your kids blossom into themselves, not "mini-me's"
13. be there
14. Johnny Weismuller is the best movie Tarzan
15. don't be in a rush to be older than you are – you're only going to be this age once in your life
16. if you like something, and you'll use it, and you can afford it, then buy it, or you'll regret it later
17. quality over quantity
18. never think "can't"
19. people will stand in line for a dead skunk if it's free
20. roll with the punches
21. have fun
22. laugh often
23. believe in yourself
24. don't let others change who you are
25. be honest
26. don't steal
27. forgive yourself
28. God loves me
29. don't judge
30. just do it!
31. inside matters more than outside
32. don't use God's name in vain
33. you can learn anything if you put your mind to it
34. you're never too old to dance
35. it's okay to ask for help
36. show appreciation and express gratitude
37. use my manners
38. consider the source
39. an office or position of authority should be respected, but the individual in that position has to earn your respect
40. sleep is good
41. take advantage of opportunities
42. keep your eyes open and your wits about you
43. people aren't always nice
44. things can't make you happy
45. use your imagination
46. just get started and the rest will be easy
47. don't be intimidated by anyone – we're all the same, all human, we all have strengths and weaknesses
48. you can love someone even if you don't like them
49. forgive but don't forget
50. learn from others' mistakes
51. there are times for being patient, and time for putting your foot down
52. speak up
53. stand up for what you believe in
54. admit your mistakes and expect others to do the same
55. persistance pays off
56. let your kids be kids
57. love unconditionally
58. take lots of pictures
59. kids grow up fast
60. your kids need a mother, not another friend
61. pets are family
62. help others
63. a sense of humor is essential for sanity and survival
64. if you look close enough, you can find something to love about everyone
65. coffee is good anytime
66. messes can be cleaned up
67. prayer works
68. God is strong all the time – let him carry you
69. if you say you're going to do something, do it
70. be nice to yourself in case no one else is
71. you have to show respect to get respect
72. girls are tough
73. don't put up with temper tantrums
74. listen to your body – doctors don't know everything
75. don't say everything you're thinking
76. asking questions is the best way to learn something
77. your babies are always your babies (and their babies are your babies, too!)
78. God is.
79. Just listen.
80. people are more important than things
81. there is a time to help others, and a time to let others help you
82. God has his reasons, and He will give you whatever strength you need for the road ahead…and never leave you to walk it alone.
83. smile and show appreciation to those who are willing to help you – they may have it tougher than you in many ways
Don’t worry. I got this.

November 11, 2014

"Lord, if your people need me, I will not refuse the work. Your will be done."

~St. Martin of Tours

My big brother Buster was headed to Viet Nam, saying his goodbyes, when I stood beside him in this photograph and smiled. I had no idea what was ahead of him. This was probably taken before his first tour of duty and so he had only a vague idea himself what to expect.

When he volunteered for his second tour, however, he knew full well what he was stepping into…but he did it anyway.

My dad was in high school when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. He joined the Navy soon after high school graduation because his country was at war and "it was the thing to do."

In the next twenty-two months he traveled a long way from Texas aboard the U.S.S. Geneva…to places like the Philippines, the Marshall Islands, China, Burma, Japan.

Before he turned twenty, he had seen cities that had been destroyed by war and piles of dead bodies waiting to be buried.

A few years later, his little brother Bobby followed his lead and joined the Navy, and many years later, so did my brother Donnie and two nephews.

Pop, my wonderful father-in-law, missed out on World War II, but joined the Air Force in time for the Korean War. He worked base supply in Okinawa, supporting bombers flying missions to Korea…about 100 aircraft every day.

He re-enlisted, got married, and hopped around the globe…living in England, Germany, and over a year in Pakistan, separated from his family (the other heroes – Mom had 8 teenage and younger boys to deal with by herself!)…visiting a dozen other countries…eventually staying put for awhile in Maryland, working with NSA (and a second job at the bowling alley to make ends meet), until his retirement.

A lifetime of service and sacrifice for this country.

My husband Tom was raised in that military family. For him it was normal to move every few years to someplace completely different…by the time he was eight or nine years old, he had lived in three countries!

He grew up on a tight budget … hand-me-downs, powdered milk and only two cookies a day…period! And yet as soon as he could, he joined the service…the Coast Guard. Among other things, he helped rescue fisherman off the coast of Alaska.

Four of his brothers also joined the service (three career Air Force, just like their dad, and another Coast Guard) and the youngest joined the Army Reserves. Now the next generation is following in their footsteps: two Air Force and one Coast Guard.

I think it's very fitting that Veterans Day shares November with Thanksgiving, a day when we slow down to remember and be grateful for things that we usually take for granted, because veterans, despite the sacrifices they make for all of us, probably don't even make it onto our Thanksgiving thank-you list.

That's how much most of us take them for granted – as well as the freedoms they protect for us. Even when our country isn't at war, they go where they are needed to unfamiliar places, away from extended family, often living on a minimum salary.

To many, they are a symbol of war, not peace, and sadly become targets of derision, scorn, blame… and even violence, like the sad incident at Ft. Hood a few years ago.

They deserve to be thanked every day of the year. A friend of mine says that when he's in a restaurant and sees a man or woman in uniform, he secretly pays their bill. What a wonderful idea! I think more of us should go out of our way every day to show our appreciation, but I'm glad there is at least one special day where we shine a spotlight on them, remember their sacrifices and make clear our gratitude.

Thank you Daddy, Tom, Pop, Buster, Donnie, Uncle Bobby, Uncle Howard, Kenny, Steve, Joe, Robbie, John, Sheila, Michael, Tom, Lynn, Robbin, Evan…and all of the other Veterans, past and present, out there! Because of you, we're free to go about our daily lives, without a thought in the world to how much that freedom costs or how much you've given.

But let's hope we do remember the price, as well as those who, through their actions, say "Don't worry. I got this."

(If this sounds familiar, it's a re-post from last year and the year before and the year before, with just a few tweeks. With the passing of Daddy, my Uncle Bobby, and Pop in recent years, and my brother Buster years ago, this day feels especially poignant. I don't want their service to be forgotten.)

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