Long Hollow

God, Grant Me The Serenity…

May 6, 2013

Through the window, I see my brother-in-law's SUV pull up in front of the house. Several younger men gather to help maneuver my mother down from her seat and into the waiting wheelchair.

For a moment exhaustion pinches her face from the three-hour road trip and constant struggle to breathe, but then I see that familiar smile bloom wide, right to the edge of joyful laughter, so contagious that everyone around her smiles, too.

She said she wouldn't miss her grandson's wedding, and by golly, she made it.

I sigh in relief. Maybe she didn't have doubts about her attendance, but I sure did. Eight months ago, for reasons that still haven't been clearly diagnosed, her muscle strength and balance disappeared. Walking was already a challenge because of her asthma, but now she couldn't even stand without support.

At first she fought it, believing she just needed to push herself to build up her strength. She accepted the wheelchair as a temporary accessory, but if you turned your back for a second, she would jump up and try to walk. Upon waking in the morning, she would automatically head down the long hallway, alone and unassisted, to the bathroom.

Consequently, she fell. A lot. I witnessed a few of the falls myself, including one in the middle of the night when she took my dad down on top of her in the bathroom (he tried to stop her fall) and we subsequently spent the night in the emergency room.

I'm not sure how many other falls there were. She and Daddy tried to keep them secret.

"Mama, stop trying to walk without help. You don't want to miss the wedding, do you?"

She didn't. But it still took a few reminders before she started behaving and playing it safe, using the wheelchair to go down the hall and letting Daddy hover nearby when she needed to stand.

It's been a tough transition for all of us. Mama has always been the caregiver, so strong she makes the Steel Magnolias look like a bunch of wilting lilies. She's the Serenity Prayer and "where there's a will, there's a way" all rolled up in one, put into action. When something needed to be done, she just did it, without any whining or woe-is-me-ing.

She spent sleepless nights nursing us through the usual and not-so-usual childhood illnesses and injuries…encephalitis, whooping cough, dislocated hips. Later, in her forties, Mama maneuvered my quadriplegic brother's six-foot-frame in and out of his wheelchair, despite her petite size. And just a few years ago, in her late 70's, she took care of my older sister following her hip surgery.

Mama was with me to welcome my firstborn into the world, watched him while I worked and his dad went to school, and attended every special event of his life. There was no way in hell she'd miss his wedding, even if it meant relying on others for a change and accepting life in a wheelchair…at least for a little while.

God, grant me the serenity…

In honor of Mother's Day, Generation Fabulous asked us to talk about that other fabulous generation – our mothers. Whether we like it or not, and whether we knew them or not, our mothers helped shape us into the women we are today. I realize I'm blessed with an amazing mother and the chance to know her through the eyes of an adult, and I'm happy I got to share a little bit about her with you. To read more mom stories, go HERE.

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Five Things on Friday

May 3, 2013

1.

I've spent the last two hours in shorts, relishing the sun on my skin and the brilliant, cloudless blue sky. Tom has the chainsaw out and is busy trimming branches in the woods in front of our house.

I'm dragging them down along the side porch and tossing them over the back railing. We'll later drag them from there over the hill into a new pile that we'll eventually burn once the burn ban is lifted.

My arms and legs are all scratched up, and there are bits of bark and leaves stuck in my hair, but I don't care. I love working outside.

And to think yesterday I was wearing a winter coat…

2.

Last night I enjoyed a delicious prime rib dinner for free, courtesy of a friend who invited me to be her date at one of those promotional things put on by financial advisors.

It was at one of our favorite restaurants, and besides the great food and getting to spend time with dear friends (two others joined us) I actually learned something about investments and retirement. Nothing I can use at the moment, of course, since I'm still trying to start a career and can't even think about retirement, but a girl can be optimistic, can't she?

Especially when enjoying a free prime rib dinner.

3.

My mother-in-law bought me flowers when she first arrived. My brain finally slowed down enough to take a photo of them yesterday. Some of them are starting to droop, but overall they're still beautiful. Thank you again, Mom!

4.

I have terrible nails. I never wear polish, because I don't want to draw attention to them!

But the day before the Big Wedding, the mother-of-the-bride and I got together to go over the slideshow we presented at the rehearsal dinner, and she shared her Walmart stick-on French Tip fake nails with me. My manicure from earlier in the week was long gone, thanks to three days of washing dishes at the winery (Hello? What was I thinking?) so I was very grateful.

Oh, I felt so elegant, even though I had to relearn how to type and put on earrings and text and button my pants. They were a tad longer than my normal nails…"normal" meaning "on a good day are longer than my fingertips."

Only three of the nails are left, so you can imagine how goofy my hands look now.

5.

The last report I had from the honeymooners was this photo from Cinque Terre, one of my dream destinations. I'm so grateful for Instagram and Facebook.

Meanwhile, we're having fun with our grandpuppy, and she's having fun being a country dog. (I promise we're only spoiling her a little bit, Kirby!)

Linking with Friday Fragments and Random 5 Friday
I Won’t Think About Good-Bye

May 3, 2013

I lingered on the back porch this morning with my coffee after the dogs finished their breakfast, listening to birds chirp their confusion over the unseasonal cool temperatures and the wind play rough with the trees.

The sun was shining, and I could see the surface of our little pond sparkling through the new spring leaves of surrounding trees. I sat in the middle of a dream-come-true started thirty years ago, and wondered how I was going to say goodbye.

We're going to have to sell out and go somewhere else. Barring some miracle, along the lines of me writing a million-dollar bestseller or one of us winning the lottery, it's the only way we're going to climb out of the debt-sinkhole we've slipped into.

Tom figures it will take him two years to get the place in shape to sell. We started on it almost twenty years ago, moved in almost ten years ago, but it's not finished yet. Once we moved in, we weren't in a rush…until now. But Tom wants to see it the way he envisioned it in the beginning, so he's not rushing through doing a halfass job.

In my heart I know God led us here, so if it's his will we stay, we will, even if we don't see how right now. Maybe we've done what we were supposed to do here and he has some other job for us elsewhere. If so, I'll just give thanks for the time we've had in this little piece of heaven. We've been blessed and nothing can take that away.

Meanwhile, I'm going to linger and cherish and soak as much of Long Hollow as possible into my soul. I don't think I've ever taken it for granted, but I especially won't now. I'll push thoughts of goodbye off to the edge, only close enough to remind me to appreciate this day, and the next, and the next, and then I'll cherish the memories.

…While I pray for a miracle.
Back to Reality

May 1, 2013

The fairy tale is over, at least for me and Tom. While my son and his beautiful bride continue their romantic story over in Italy, we've said goodbye to the rehearsal dinner leftovers and the last out-of-town guest.

My mother-in-law left this morning. No more eating out or playing cutthroat games of 3-13, where I actually got on a winning streak for the first time in 30 years.

We're puppysitting our grandpuppy (which I love!) but otherwise we're back to our old routines. I went back to work yesterday and, while Tom is taking a few days off, he's back to piecing rock together for our driveway. I hear his hammer tapping as I type this.

But thank goodness (and bless my husband who built it) reality includes a break in the evening beside a little terrace bordering a small pond shaded by new green leaves, with splashes of crimson flowers and baby dewberries along the rim, where I can sit with a glass of wine, a pen and some paper, until the mosquitoes tell me it's time to go inside.

I thank you God for this most amazing day, for the leaping greenly spirits of trees, and for the blue dream of sky and for everything which is natural, which is infinite, which is yes.

~e.e. cummings
The. Most. Beautiful. Wedding. Ever. Amen.

April 29, 2013

(By Bloom Photography)

And I'm not saying that just because it was my son getting married.

Well, maybe I am a little partial, but it was also the setting, the weather, the bride, the groom (my son), the attendants (including two of my kids), the chaplain, the guests…

Trust me. It was absolutely perfect.

(by Drew Sartain)

A few raindrops kissed my face, but the rest waited until we were all in the reception hall, eating and laughing and dancing…after the sun broke through the clouds for a beautiful sunset right at the end of the ceremony.

I wish I had tons of photos for you, but I was forbidden from bringing my camera. The bride and groom wanted me to relax and be in the moment, instead of behind the lens, which is so sweet of them.

(I still brought it, of course, with the loophole idea of having someone else take photos with it at the reception, but in my rush to get out the door on time, I left my memory card in my computer at home because Tom had seen a bat swooping over the pond and I had gone out to take photos and wanted to get a close look at it so I loaded them on my computer and…oops.)

Anyway, you can imagine how my heart sank when I realized I couldn't take a single photo myself, but I'm glad the camera card is all I forgot to bring with me. And there were plenty of others snapping away.

My mother and father were there, thanks to my sister and her husband, as well as Tom's mother and half of his brothers. We also celebrated with dear friends, kids I watched grow into amazing adults, and tons of people we are now officially related to by marriage.

I didn't cry. But my heart soared, filled with something that is so hard to describe, similar to our sparklers forming a tunnel for them at the end, all bright and shiny and warm.

(by George Karr)

I'm so grateful for Facebook, because I know the newest Mr. and Mrs. Tom Shallue arrived safe and sound in Venice. I look forward to traveling vicariously through them around Italy the next few days, while I simultaneously ease back into my normal routine.

Life is good because love is real.

Amen.

(by Darla Thomas)
No. 1 of 5 – Because I’m from Texas

April 26, 2013

1.

Well, I got me some cowboy boots.

You might recall, from my Birthday post, that some of my friends pitched in to give me a gift card to buy a pair because I kept entering contests on Facebook trying to win some.

I debated on whether to be practical and buy an iPad or groceries with the gift card, but this past week I came to my senses and used the card as they intended me to, to buy boots.

I'm a Texan, after all.

And because I'm a girl, I used what was left on the card for a mani/pedi. I felt very self-indulgent.

(Thank you again, sweet friends!)

2.

I was standing on the front porch after my morning walk, filling up the puppies' water bucket, when I heard this buzzing sound. Just three feet away from me, a tiny hummingbird was investigating our red birdhouse. He finally gave up and buzzed away, leaving me feeling very blessed.

Some things just remain amazing, no matter how many times you see them, don't they?

3.

My son's wedding is getting ever closer, but I'm not nervous or anything. During my own wedding, I calmed myself down so much I was semi-comatose…sorta zombie-like, only without the killing… and barely remember it.

I hope that's not happening again…

4.

My professional tagline is "writer, blogger, photographer" but I often doubt the veracity of it, and this is why:

I have written a dozen blog posts this past week – in my head. You'll never read them because I've already forgotten half of them, and wouldn't have time to write them even if I did remember them.

I have some great ideas for improving my books and stories, but haven't had time to actually sit and work on them, or start the new stories buzzing in my head, or edit the dozens of photos I've captured this past week of flowers and birds and trees and other visions of spring here in the Hollow, much less post them on sites where they can be purchased.

But I've decided to keep the tagline and consider myself a writer, blogger, photographer on hiatus, because…

"In the provinces of the mind, "what one believes to be true either is true or becomes true."

~Panda Express fortune

5.

What I believe:

(sign outside of our church "Garden of Eatin'")

Amen.

I hope you have a great week!
Be Still

April 22, 2013

It was a gray morning, the sun not yet able to break through the clouds above the Hollow or the dark thoughts clouding my brain. Worries and what-ifs mingled with sorrow for the people of Boston and scenes of the explosion in West were fresh in my mind.

My feet tread a familiar path through the woods, but I hardly paid attention. My camera dangled, forgotten, around my neck because I was too distracted by darkness to look for light.

Then, as I stepped into an area surrounded by tall trees, I heard it, the wind moving through their branches, singing a lullaby. A song straight from God to my heart.

"Be still."

That night, after a day of to-do's and running later than I'd hoped, I'd already forgotten that feeling of peace when I arrived at my meeting. Soft music and candlelight greeted me, thanks to the committee member in charge of our opening reflection.

"Be still and know that I am God," she read to us (Psalm 46:10) and once again I heard the trees' lullaby and God's voice: "Be still. Don't worry. I've got it."

For the next fifteen minutes or so, she guided us through a centering prayer, where we focused on interior silence, using a single sacred word to pull me back when those distracting thoughts try to pop back in and get me all rattled.

"Be still." The words have continued to echo in my heart, so simple, so full of love and comfort and security.

It's on the darkest night that you see the most stars, isn't it? When the moon and sun are both resting, the darkness provides a black backdrop to stars you would never even notice with a full moon on the stage, or when the sun rules the sky.

I think that's the way it is with sweet!s. When times get tough, that's when the sweet moments of our lives shine against the darkness. Once again we pay attention and give thanks for the simple things we all too often take for granted.

This past week, the shadows cast by terrorism and tragedy made me look closer for those bright spots I knew were there.

Monday: a day off to play catch-up; a morning walk with happy dogs; turtles; cardinals at the birdfeeder; prairie verbena spreading everywhere; witnessing (via television) ordinary people becoming heroes

Tuesday: time for a long morning walk; a just-right day at work…not too busy, not too slow; spotting a Painted Bunting on your bird feeder

Wednesday: the sound of trees singing to each other; puppy kisses when you're feeling blue; praying with others for a small community hit with tragedy

Thursday: spending time with your baby girl, even if it's at the DMV and doctor's office; Five Guys cheeseburgers; arriving right on time everywhere on a tightly-packed day

Friday: trainees who catch on fast on a busy day at work; UPS and FedEX deliveries; your photos turned into beautiful greeting cards and prints; spotting a hawk out your kitchen window

Saturday: time for a long walk with your puppies and son before work; weddings, even on the sidelines; a belated birthday phone message from a friend; philosophical discussions with your son late at night

Sunday: sleeping in, late Mass with your son, and breakfast with friends; a walk with your son and puppies; the sun's kiss on your legs and arms; making a clean dent on a dirty house; your son making a delivery for you, saving you a trip into town

Monday: a forecast for absolutely perfect weather on your son's wedding day

A crazy, busy week awaits me, with one of the happiest days of my life ahead – the wedding of my oldest son. Talk about a bright light! But I'm determined to keep my eyes open and appreciate the simple blessings each day provides. I hope you do, too. Please share yours with me!
Five Things

April 20, 2013

1.

What a week full of tragedy, heartbreak, and heroism. First the bombing in Boston and subsequent acts of unselfishness and goodness that proved only light can conquer darkness…and that there's plenty of light in Boston. We witnessed it in the behavior of all of its citizens.

Next, the explosion in West, Texas, so close to home, where even more were killed and injured than in Boston. I've driven through that little town on my way somewhere else so many times, stopping for kolaches or to let the kids get rid of energy. In a tiny rural community like that a tragedy like this touches every resident and my heart goes out to them.

Now the earthquake in China. The numbers keep growing of those whose heartbreak is broadcast to all of us via the media…which means we can all pray for them. A universal prayer chain. An image glowing with light in yet another moment of darkness.

2.

I love sending cards to friends, but often don't have them on hand or the time to run out and buy one. So I decided to create my own…from my photographs and favorite quotes. I posted them on FineArtAmerica.com and placed my order. It arrived this week in a great box.

I'm sending this one to all of those affected in #1, as well as anyone else reading this who is suffering loss right now.

"Oh heart, if one should say to you that the soul perishes like the body, answer that the flower withers, but the seed remains."

~ Kahlil Gibran

3.

Without excusing their behavior, I feel those two young men who planted the Boston bombs were merely pawns played by some greater evil who is sitting back, laughing at how they held us hostage for awhile and probably planning their next move. I pray I've raised my kids to be strong enough not to fall for false flattery, that they may never be manipulated in that way.

4.

Just home from work yesterday evening, wondering where to get started on things I needed to do, one glance out the kitchen window put everything else on hold. A hawk perched in a tree overlooking our big pond ("big" only in comparison to our "little" pond; it's just a wide spot in a mostly dry creek right now, but it does have water!) I popped the 70-300mm lens on my camera and snapped a few through the window. Then I snuck out the front door, tiptoed around the corner, and managed to snap a few more before he swooped down to the pond.

"Do you mind?"

They aren't great photos – he was pretty far away – but they're good enough to help me remember and be grateful that I stepped out of "to-do's" and just enjoyed the moment and this beautiful, amazing world around us.

5.

We're winding down to the Big Wedding of my son and his beautiful bride-to-be. For a long time the wedding was a year away, and now suddenly it's almost here! How does that happen?

So please don't forget me if I continue to be AWOL from your blogs for awhile, and negligent of emails and Facebook posts. But as my mom pointed out, Tommy's wedding is one of those once-in-a-lifetime things. A time to forget about the world and to-do lists and worries about the future, and focus, instead, on love and family and today.

"Once in awhile, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale."

–Anonymous
I Blame LinkedIn

April 16, 2013

Instead of exercising this morning before heading to work, I made the mistake of clicking on my LinkedIn profile when I got on the computer to pay some bills. By the time I finished updating it, I was scrambling to make it to work on time.

So as soon as I stepped in the door this evening after work, I changed into my work-out clothes, determined to keep up my routine. But I was starving. First I would eat, then I would work out.

But I couldn't work out right after eating, could I? So I cleaned off my desk and sat down to finish paying bills until enough time had passed that I wouldn't puke when I jumped rope.

Money on my brain, or rather the lack thereof, I couldn't resist clicking on the email from LinkedIn telling me about jobs I might like.

Well, I didn't like any of those, but I kept clicking and found one that actually did appeal to me and matched my experience and skills. So I clicked on "apply", which took me to a window requesting my resume.

Uh-oh. Updating my resume had been on my to-do list…or I should say, it's been ignored on my to-do list. It immediately moved up in priority.

I spent the next thirty minutes…hour…who knows how long, tidying it up to match the job, then finished applying.

Time to work out. No, it was late. I would just pay bills and get in bed early so I could wake up early enough to work out.

Oh, but first, I needed to print out one of my critique group member's submission for the next meeting in case I got called to substitute teach in the morning. I like to do my critiques during my long break periods. Too cheap to use new paper, I decided to clean out my file cabinet and find some paper I could recycle.

So I headed into the bedroom where the file cabinet is and noticed the basket of towels on the bed waiting to be folded. I remembered I had clothes in the washer and dryer, so I turned on "Dancing with the Stars" for ten minutes while I folded, then moved the loads around downstairs.

But instead of folding the next basket of clothes I pulled from the dryer (just Tom's work clothes – wrinkling wouldn't hurt them) I thought I better get back to paying bills.

Back on the computer, a quick glance at Facebook reminded me I wanted to submit one of my blog posts to BlogHer's Voices of the Year.

I'm getting very audacious in my old age! Perhaps I've read this enough times to believe it:

"Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers, why not gather your own bouquet?"

– from P.S. I Love You on my bathroom wall

But which post should I submit? I started scrolling through my posts until I came to The Artist. That would do. I filled in the nomination page then shared my audaciousness on the GenerationFabulous Facebook page, which is full of supportive women, but I've been neglectful of my own support for them lately, so I spent some time reading over a few posts and voting for their submissions as well.

Finally! Time to pay those bills. Except, gosh, couldn't this whole crazy scenario make a great blog post? Especially if I mention the Painted Bunting I spotted out the bathroom window while I was flossing my teeth, in between eating dinner and sitting down to pay bills the first time? The one I captured in my camera when I left mid-floss to sneak out the back door and creep up on via the side porch?

And that's why I never seem to get anything done. I blame it all on LinkedIn. Now excuse me, but I really need to finish flossing, pay those bills and get in bed.

Oh, but first…
Birthday Cards and other sweet!s

April 15, 2013

Does anyone read blog posts in the middle of the night? It seems it's the only time I finally get to post, after finishing up the higher priority items on my to-do lists.

BlogHer is asking for nominations for their Voices of the Year, in the categories of Heart, Humor, Inspiration, and OpEd. I had thought about nominating myself (that's what you do when you get older – you quit waiting on other people to toot your horn – you just do it yourself!) but to be honest, I can't think of a post that might have a chance of winning, so I'll probably just wait until next year.

I'm not putting myself down…it's just that I don't post about controversial stuff. And I don't cuss. Or have small children. I'm not an alcoholic or drug addict who had an abortion at 18.

I'm not complaining – I know I'm blessed. But those seem to be the criteria in the posts with the highest ratings, along with alcoholism, drug abuse, and abortions.

I have too many other things on my plate to worry about. Namely, a wedding (my son's) and finding a job which is more than a job, but a career. And writing a book. And…

Okay, I'll stop and get on with this post, which is about birthday cards and other sweet!s of the past week.

Next year for my birthday, I'm going to go to Barton Springs Pool and wear a bucket on my head.

This is the card my son gave me. Inside it says: "It's your birthday, so take it easy. Relax. Wear a bucket on your head. Whatever."

And he wrote: "Do you want to go to Barton Springs and wear a bucket on your head?

If I had said yes, he would have cringed, but I know he would have gone along with me, and my other two kids as well. As I've already said once in this post, I'm blessed. (Of course, they would have pretended they didn't know me, but that's understandable.)

My friend Tamara (Tamara, Tamara, Tamara!) sent me a card that proves she knows me very well…

And here are some other sweet!s of the week…

Monday: antelope horn blooming; spotting a rabbit's tail on a morning walk; a hug from an old co-worker/friend; reminiscing with a friend about your kids and old times

Tuesday: Russian accents; meeting a Headhunter who promised to critique your resume; a blog friend requesting to buy a series of your photos

Wednesday: a walk in the rain with your pups during a drought; homemade chicken soup and a fire in a fireplace on a cold, rainy day in a vineyard

Thursday: wildflowers bordering a Texas highway (they were beautiful, but I had to wait to take the photo when I was stopped at a red light, where they were more sparse); standing by your friend when she says goodbye to her mother; sharing memories of your childhood with people you still call friends; an evening with your parents

Friday: coffee and reading the newspaper at the kitchen table with your dad; sneaking a photo of your dad with your phone; new growth in an old neighborhood; red-winged blackbirds; splashes of primroses on a roadside that remind you of your wedding 30 years agoan afternoon with your daughter and seeing both of your sons

Saturday: time for a walk with your puppies before work; two elderly people finding love again; patches of bluebonnets; going to bed earlier than you expected

Sunday: waking early enough to go to early Mass; the joy on your puppies' faces when you take them for a walk; baby turtles; your writing group liking your latest story; getting a lot of stuff done on your day off

I hope you have a fantastic week, full of sweet! moments! I'll leave you with one of my favorite photos…the red-winged blackbirds ignoring the kitties in my parents' backyard to meet at the birdbath…

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