I passed her several times in the grocery store, the young mother, as we both weaved our way up and down the aisles. She was dressed nice – she must have gotten off work, grabbed the kids from daycare and had to hit the store before heading home.

She was tired – I could tell by the way her face and shoulders drooped. As I maneuvered my basket around hers in the cereal aisle, I could hear her thoughts as she tossed flavored rice cakes into her cart: I'm eating this crap but still can't lose any weight, and no wonder, when I don't have any time to exercise, working all day then grocery shopping and dealing with the kids…

A son, probably four, but big for his age, rode sideways in the basket seat. A daughter – cute little thing with her hair bobbed like her mom's – I guessed to be around 6 or 7. She was all smiles. Neither of the kids were whiny or bratty, from what I could tell in our brief encounters… just bubbly and full of joy, viewing this trip to the store as an adventure with their mom. They were probably happy to be with her, finally. Time goes by so quickly for adults, but for kids, a day's separation seems like forever.

I love how kids can turn everything into an adventure. I'm not sure I loved it all the time when my kids were little, though, and I don't think this mom appreciated it, either. Kids seem to suck the energy right out of you. It's proportional – they become happy and energetic while you become a crabby zombie. And your crabby-zombie-ness spreads until everyone around you is a crabby zombie.

Sure enough, she was one register over when I was checking out, and by then the little girl was in tears. Maybe I'm being too harsh on the mother – maybe the little girl, tired from school or daycare and nearing bedtime, became a brat and kept asking for something even after her mom said no a zillion times.

At first I felt relief that it wasn't me having to deal with paying for my groceries and shooshing a tired child. But then I took another look at those kids, and in their place I saw mine so many years ago and thought of all the shopping trips we'd made together… some not so fun, but some… yes, some were lots of fun. And I know I didn't appreciate that time I had with my kids that age, so innocent, so bubbly, so energetic and full of joy. 

I wanted to tell the mom to hang on, to keep it in perspective and take it a day at a time. Heck, a minute at a time, if necessary. I wanted to tell her to soak up her kids' joy and sense of adventure instead of letting them zap her energy – it's possible! – because before she knows it those two are going to be grown and she's going to be walking the aisles selecting things she thinks they'll like to eat because they're coming home to visit for a weekend.

And she'll pass a tired mom with two little ones in tow and she'll think, If I could only go back in time… there are a few days I'd like to do over, a few days when instead of spreading my crabby zombie-ness, I'd like to try soaking up their joy and wonder at the world… if only I had the chance to do some things a little differently… if only…

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25 responses to “To the Young Mom in Aisle 7”

  1. Lexie Allen Avatar
    Lexie Allen

    Yes, we want a do over. But, we don’t get one. Very well written.

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  2. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Wouldn't it be great if we did? Sometimes I still want one! But we just have to hope we have another day to make up for our mistakes and hope our kids know we're just human. I guess it's actually good for them to see we make mistakes, too. That way they have permission to be imperfect themselves.
    Thanks, Lexie!

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  3. Brenda Nowicke Avatar

    This reminds me of one of my favorite Erma Bombeck columns:
    A young mother writes: “I know you’ve written before about the empty nest syndrome — that lonely period after the children are grown and gone. Right now I’m up to my eyeballs in laundry and muddy boots. The baby is teething; the boys are fighting. My husband just called and said to eat without him and I fell off my diet. Lay it on me again, will you?”
    OK. One of these days you’ll shout, “Why don’t you kids grow up and act your age!” And they will. Or, “You guys get outside and find yourselves something to do…and don’t slam the door!” And they won’t.
    You’ll straighten up the boys’ bedroom neat and tidy — bumper stickers discarded, bedspread tucked and smooth, toys displayed on the shelves. Hangers in the closet. Animals caged. And you’ll say out loud, “Now I want it to stay this way.” And it will.
    You’ll prepare a perfect dinner with a salad that hasn’t been picked to death and a cake with no finger traces in the icing, and you’ll say, “Now, there’s a meal for company.” And you’ll eat it alone.
    You’ll say, “I want complete privacy on the phone. No dancing around. No demolition crews. Silence! Do you hear?” And you’ll have it.
    No more plastic tablecloths stained with spaghetti. No more bedspreads to protect the sofa from damp bottoms. No more gates to stumble over at the top of the basement steps. No more clothespins under the sofa. No more playpens to arrange a room around.
    No more anxious nights under a vaporizer tent. No more sand on the sheets or Popeye movies in the bathrooms. No more iron-on patches; wet, knotted shoestrings; tight boots, or rubber bands for ponytails.
    Imagine. A lipstick with a point on it. No babysitter for New Year’s Eve. Washing only once a week. Seeing a steak that isn’t ground. Having your teeth cleaned without a baby on your lap.
    No PTA meetings. No car pools. No blaring radios. No one washing her hair at 11 o’clock at night. Having your own roll of Scotch tape.
    Think about it. No more Christmas presents out of toothpicks and library paste. No more sloppy oatmeal kisses. No more tooth fairy. No giggles in the dark. No knees to heal, no responsibility.
    Only a voice crying, “Why don’t you grow up,” and the silence echoing, “I did.”
    Erma Bombeck, January 29, 1969

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  4. Brenda Nowicke Avatar

    …and if you remind me of Erma Bombeck, that’s as good as it gets! Great job!

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  5. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Wise woman, Erma! Too bad so many of us don't heed her warnings. We can only hope to be grandparents one day.

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  6. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    I didn't think of that! yay!

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  7. Jillsy Avatar

    unfortunately, too many of us dream of how things could be, instead of enjoying how things are.

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  8. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    I'm still guilty of it!

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  9. Rae Sinor Avatar
    Rae Sinor

    So beautiful…i know we sometimes curse these birthdays under our breath…(How could I possibly be 51???) but doesn’t it make you smile when you know you are looking at the world as it is and for the beauty that it is…with the love and appreciation that we now have?? Beautiful,y written as always Barb!! And of course…once again…sniff, sniff!!!

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  10. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    That's exactly right – old enough to have the insight and young enough to act upon it. I just wish I could remember these things day to day in my own life! I take way too much for granted and don't stop often enough to just appreciate it and soak up what I have. 

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  11. Anjelica Avatar
    Anjelica

    I love this! My kid’s are 10 and 5, and will be are only 2, and often times I kick myself for not slowing down a bit with my first…I feel like time just flew by. As I saw the first 2.5 years fly by with my second, I stopped and promised to not ask myself later where the time went, and make everyday special with them in any way, just because. I think I have tried my best, but there is always room for improvement and a reminder like this is always nice. 🙂 Thanks for sharing.

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  12. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    It's hard to make every moment special, because you have to LIVE, but I'm glad you realize how quickly the time flies. I stayed home with my third, but I let myself get too busy with things I realize now didn't matter, and my memories of those days are so blurred. There will always be room for improvement, but it sounds like you're doing a good job appreciating these days. (Thanks for letting me know you liked it!)
    Barbara

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  13. Mandy Avatar

    I went grocery shopping with the kids today.
    I wish I would have read this first.
    Beautiful post that brought tears to my eyes.

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  14. Leighann Avatar

    Thank you for this great reminder. You’re right!! Take it a minute at a time and cherish it cause all too soon it’s going to be over.

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  15. Grace @ Arms Wide Open Avatar

    aww. I really needed to hear this. I really did. After a rough day with my 2 1/2 year old, which caused me to lose my patience multiple times, I needed this reminder.
    thank you.

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  16. MamaRobinJ Avatar

    What a lovely post. I need to hear this too, and I often think about stuff like this after I’ve had a rough day.
    Ironically, I find myself wanting to do the same thing in the grocery store when I see moms with tiny infants fussing. It seems so long ago, but really wasn’t. (He’s 2 1/2.)

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  17. denise @ victory rd. Avatar

    lovely post. it does go by fast…too fast. “take it a day at a time. heck, a minute at a time,” i am going to remember this.
    so glad i stopped by.

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  18. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    I know what you mean – 2 year olds look so old next to infants – and in so many ways, they are! But you're going to blink and they'll be in college or graduated, like mine, so look for those good moments when you can!

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  19. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    I know what you mean – 2 year olds look so old next to infants – and in so many ways, they are! But you're going to blink and they'll be in college or graduated, like mine, so look for those good moments when you can!

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  20. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    You're welcome – I remember how easy it is to lose patience with them! (I still do, and they're 25, 22, and 19!) It goes by so fast, but it's hard to remember that when you're in the thick of it. Good luck and thanks for stopping by!

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  21. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    You're welcome! I still have to remind myself to cherish the time I have with mine even though they're all pretty much grown!

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  22. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    I'm glad you did, too! Thanks for taking the time to comment!

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  23. The Good Luck Duck Avatar

    My only turns 25 in tomorrow’s wee hours. I still dream of him as a chubby toddler and wake up wistful, not remembering my exact mistakes but having a sense of not-enoughness.
    I hope some young Aisle 7 mom reads this.

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  24. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    That describes the way I feel so perfectly – wistful and not-enoughness. Thank you!

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  25. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Oh, happy birthday to you only! My first turns 26 in just a few weeks. I still think of him as a chubby toddler, too.

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