Long Hollow

Last night, just as I was about to drift off to sleep, I swear I smelled cinnamon toast. You know that kind where you put four globs of butter on a slice of white bread, then sprinkle cinnamon all over it and finally, cover the whole thing in sugar and toast it in a small broiler oven like we had when I was growing up, open on one side so the smell tiptoes out…

That's what I smelled. Cinnamon toast browning in my mama's toaster oven.

It halted me in my fall into slumber – and then I couldn't get back to sleep, because my brain started turning…

I wondered why the hell I was smelling cinnamon toast.

Then I thought about my W-2 form, and how I didn't have enough taken out for taxes and now we were going to have to pay big-time… I thought about the bills I needed to pay, and how it was good my hours had picked up again, but then how frustrating it was that I wouldn't have time to work on my book just when I got on a roll again… and no time to bang on my drums… and I tried to figure out how I could fit it all in, but still get enough sleep, because I'm trying so hard to eat right and exercise and take care of myself, but what good is it if I'm not getting the sleep I need? That's the glue that holds it all together!

I know this, and yet there I was, lying wide awake, watching the clock tick beyond the chance to get six hours of sleep… dang it, now only five… so I tried 'emptying my pockets' (handing it all over to God), visualizing myself reaching deep and pulling each of these things out and handing them over, and then I tried just old fashioned prayer and then I tried deep-breathing and thinking "Oh, I'm soooo tired and this is soooo comfortable…" and somehow in all of that, I finally fell asleep.

But here I am again, wouldn't you know, still sitting at the computer, plotting how I can get at least seven hours if I really hurry, and that's plenty, isn't it? but I was determined to post something on my photography site – I have so many photos I've almost forgotten about and it drives me absolutely crazy when I continue putting it off again and again, so tonight I just sat down and did it… I posted some photos from the day after Christmas when we drove out to Taylor, Texas to meet friends for dinner just as the sun was setting on the farmsteads. (You can take a look here.)

My puzzle pieces still don't fit… work, sleep, photography, blogs, writing, reading, answering email, household stuff, family… do yours? If they do, please share your secret!