"The privilege of a lifetime is to be yourself."

 ~ Joseph Campbell

 

A big pot of chicken soup is simmering on the stove. From where I sit across the room I can hear the little bubbles playing on the surface and the aroma is making my stomach growl.

I made it for myself, because I'm sick. I don't cook often these days, and when I do, it's usually to whip up some favorite of one of my kids or my husband, although he's gotten quite good at cooking whatever he wants himself.

You see, there are tons of other things I'd rather do with my time besides cook. That's just me, the way I am, and I'm okay with it. Thank goodness my husband is, too.

I thought about this as I chopped up vegetables for the soup earlier, because BlogHer's latest question for their Life Well Lived Getting Happy series is: How do you practice self-acceptance and find unconditional love for yourself? (Part 2 of the question is: How does practicing love first help you attract more love and happiness in your life?)

Well, not cooking if I don't feel like it is one way I practice self-acceptance.

I spent years trying on cooking and crafting and gardening and sewing, and while I enjoyed each one to a certain extent, none of them fit me exactly right. 

Today I'm cooking because I care about myself. I want to get well.

It took years to shed the 'Mommy-Martyr' mentality that made me think everyone else's needs were more important than my own. It's still a trick mirror though… one big incentive to take care of myself is so I can take care of those I love who depend on me. To be healthy if they need me or to just set a good example.

When I eat right, when I run, when I make sure I get enough sleep or play my drums or take time to read or write or take photos or laugh with friends or go dancing with my husband… it's for them as much as it is for myself.

 

Turning 50 was a huge turning point in my self-attitude, like standing before a mirror, evaluating where I'd been, where I still wanted to go and whether or not I was heading in the right direction to get there. Trying to figure out what fit and what should be tossed. I was able to recognize and appreciate the strengths that got me this far, as well as the quirks that make me unique.

Love your neighbor as yourself. ~ Mark 12:31

I forgave myself mistakes made along the way, accepted myself as human, flaws and all, and by doing so, discovered how easy it is to do the same for other people. The key to loving your imperfect neighbor "as yourself" is first loving your imperfect self.

How do you start? Ponder this…

 Where there is no love, put love and there will be love.

~ St. John of the Cross

 

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So how do you practice self-acceptance and find unconditional love for yourself?

And how does practicing love first help you attract more love and happiness in your life?

Leave your answer here, but also at the main post on BlogHer where you can see other answers. And be sure to enter the sweepstakes for a chance at a Kindle Fire and $50 Amazon Gift Card HERE.


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16 responses to “The Privilege of a Lifetime”

  1. lisleman Avatar

    is it harder to bang on the drums all day if you have a head cold?

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  2. Agnes Avatar

    I really love that quote on top, very sobering actually!
    I hope you’re feeling better Barbara, take care.

    Like

  3. Julia Avatar

    Oh, I love this. I think that is one of the reasons I’ve enjoyed reading your blog so much- you are in a good place and I admire that. I can feel your peace and wisdom in your writings. I aspire to be there someday. Right now- mom of 3 young ones- there isn’t a lot of time in the day to do the things I really want to do and when I do take the time, I struggle with the guilt feeling. You describe it well as ‘the Mommy-Martyr’ mentality. Part of it is just how it is with young ones, and part of it I think we do to ourselves. It doesn’t help with the guilt to be a working mom either. Maybe society’s judgment has something to do with it to?? I’m not sure. Anyways- sorry I’m rambling here. I just found your post thought-provoking! Thank you 🙂

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  4. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Julia, I know exactly how you feel. The best piece of advice I can give you now is to enjoy each moment as it is – don't let your mind drift back or forward too much, just stay in the moment and enjoy it, especially while you're kids are young. It goes by so fast and there are tons of moments I wish I could get back when I was too busy thinking ahead or wishing for something else to enjoy them. It's a matter of balance – do take care of yourself physically, mentally and spiritually but don't worry about having to put some things off. Being a mom is truly the most precious gift and most important job. But that being said, try to quiet those guilt feelings when you do something for yourself. You owe it to your family to value yourself and your needs. Good luck and remember,
    it goes by FAST!
     

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  5. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    It's one of my favorites, too. I need a constant reminder! (Feeling a little better, but impatient to be back to normal! Thanks, Agnes!)

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  6. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    The biggest problem is having to trade my drum playing time for extra sleep time, dang it. I'm ready to be well again!
     

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  7. Suldog Avatar

    It’s a bit of an odd question to me. I rarely have a time in my life where I don’t have self-acceptance. I suppose my ego is a bit overblown for some tastes, but it’s true. I’m usually quite happy with me.
    When I’m not, I look at MY WIFE. I figure if I landed her, I must be blessed. That takes care of it 🙂

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  8. cynthia eloise Avatar

    i can’t believe your cooking for yourself and sick. but i like chicken noodle soup when i’m sick.
    my 50th birthday was also a turning point in my life. i started thinking about myself, what i wanted, what felt good. we spend so many years taking care of kids, husbands, parents that we get lost in there somewhere. i admire those young mothers today that save some time for themselves whether it be a hobby or activity.

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  9. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Well, the first day Tom cooked for me, but yesterday he had to work late, I was out of Campbell's and didn't feel like going to the store. I was pushed into a corner, er, well, the kitchen! lol
    I agree with you about the young mothers today! (I sure wish we'd had blogs back then!)
     

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  10. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    I think you're very balanced… you're not just self-accepting, but you're able to see the good qualities (and appreciate the eccentricities) of others. But great point about YOUR WIFE – all I know of her is what you've mentioned but I'll agree that you're blessed!
     

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  11. linlah Avatar

    Why is it anytime someone says “I’m making chicken soup” I can immediately smell it, while good for the soul and the sickness I can’t eat it anymore.
    Hope you’re feeling better.

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  12. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Oh, why can't you eat it anymore? When I was younger I was allergic to chicken (at least the tests showed that) and it just killed me! Thank goodness I got over it! I hope you do, too!
    I'm feeling much better, thanks!
     
    Barbara Shallue, writer, blogger, photographer, Silpada representative and wanna-be drummer.
    http://barbarashallue.typepad.com
    http://barbarashalluephotography.blogspot.com 
    http://mysilpada.com/sites/barbara.shallue

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  13. Lexie Allen Avatar
    Lexie Allen

    Thank you, very well expressed. I would love to share this with all of my girl friends. It seems like self-acceptance is something we all struggle with.

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  14. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    I think women more so than men. I wonder why? Thank you, Lexie!
     
    Barbara Shallue, writer, blogger, photographer, Silpada representative and wanna-be drummer.
    http://barbarashallue.typepad.com
    http://barbarashalluephotography.blogspot.com 
    http://mysilpada.com/sites/barbara.shallue

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  15. Wolf Pascoe Avatar

    “The key to loving your imperfect neighbor “as yourself” is first loving your imperfect self.”
    Made me laugh. Hope you’re feeling better.

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  16. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    I am, hallelujah! Thank you! I hate being sick!! But sure reminds me to be more grateful when I'm healthy (and to take care of myself!)
     

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