Long Hollow

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Realtor, writer, blogger in Austin, TX

Disappointment

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How do you deal with disappointment,

and what lessons do you have to share from those experiences?


That's BlogHer's Life Well Lived Getting Happy question of the week and it's had me sorting through my past, trying to remember disappointing moments in my life. It was tougher than I thought it would be – I think the way I deal with disappointment is to accept the feeling, try to learn from it, forgive or forget as necessary, and move on. 

But I finally dug up a few disappointments: crumbled friendships that I thought were rock solid, some broken promises, missed opportunities, rejection letters… 

I remember like it was yesterday finding that letter in my mailbox…the one telling me the Texas magazine wanted to publish and pay me for the very first personal essay I had ever submitted anywhere in my entire life. I was flying so high from their acceptance and the validation of my writing that I'm sure my feet never touched the ground on my way back to the house.

The low that followed when I sat down to write again was fueled by the fear of rejection. It was so scary sending that next essay out into the world, sure that people were going to read it, shake their heads, and whisper that my first success must have been a fluke.  

But I made myself write it and send it out anyway. I also read all I could about famous writers who had received numerous rejection letters. It helped prepare me for my own inevitable rejection letter.

In a way, it was a relief to get that first rejection out of the way. I was disappointed, of course, but I lived. And I also learned, because the editor, Ken Hammond, let me know his reasons and encouraged me to try again. 

Before the Houston Chronicle quit publishing the Texas magazine, it rejected several of my essays, but accepted and published two more.  And one they rejected received an honorable mention in a Writer's Digest contest.

The thing is, disappointment is just part of life. If you want to experience the highs… if you want to appreciate the highs… well, you have to expect the lows.

You probably get bonus points for appreciating them, too.

So… 

 

How do you deal with disappointment,

and what lessons do you have to share from those experiences?

 

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10 responses to “Disappointment”

  1. Wolf Pascoe Avatar
    Wolf Pascoe

    I try to remind myself that the lessons I have to learn are always right in front of me. A friend asked me today if I ever got to heaven, what would I ask for. I said, for my heart always to feel love. Now I’m thinking, what am I waiting for?

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  2. lisleman Avatar
    lisleman

    Rejection is tough source of disappointment. Being disappointed by movie or restaurant is probably more common and not so hard to take. The key is controlling your expectations. Thanks for sharing your story.

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  3. Lissa @ lafcustomdesigns Avatar
    Lissa @ lafcustomdesigns

    This is a great post, Barbara. It depends how much I want “it” how I react and sometimes it’s not pretty. LOL love, love your dry grass image in this post. ;->

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  4. Gail Avatar
    Gail

    I don’t deal with disappointment and rejection very well–especially where friendships are concerned. I’ve had several friendships fall apart over the years for various reasons and now I’m TOO cautious on who I let in. Frustrating. As far as a writer’s rejection, have you read Kathryn Stockett’s (The Help) story? She had 45+ rejections for a literary agent for the book. She kept submitting it though, and look where she is now. Someone finally had the sense to see that this was a wonderful book. It’s amazing the number of writers who are rejected by almost everyone and finally that one person thinks it has a shot and BOOM! Off they go. I wish the same for you.

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  5. Barbara Shallue Avatar
    Barbara Shallue

    Thank you for your good wishes, Gail! Yes, reading about people like Kathryn helps me keep going! But like you, it's hard for me to get over disappointments caused by people.

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  6. Barbara Shallue Avatar
    Barbara Shallue

    That's a good point, Lissa. I'm sure there's a ratio in there between desire and disappointment. My latest disappointment is that I thought for sure I finally had a buyer for something of mine I have on Craig's List, and it turned out he had replied to the wrong ad! Sigh.

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  7. Barbara Shallue Avatar
    Barbara Shallue

    Definitely different degrees of disappointment, depending on the subject. (Wow, look at all the 'd's in that sentence!) I agree that you have to realize disappointment is a possibility and be prepared.

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  8. Barbara Shallue Avatar
    Barbara Shallue

    I agree! That's something we should all strive and pray for every day. You would think love would make you vulnerable to more disappointment, but I believe love can overcome and prevent it, instead.

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  9. JillsyGirl Studio Avatar
    JillsyGirl Studio

    Personal rejection has always hit me harder than professional rejection. I think it’s because with professional rejection, you get over it whenever the next positive input arrives, which usually happens pretty quickly. With personal rejection, such as friendships, no matter how many other friendships are good and solid, the one that let you down, just lingers and eats away at you. Always wondering, why did it end, what could I have done differently, yada, yada, yada. Logic doesn’t necessarily work, but it’s the best defense to fall back on.

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  10. Barbara Shallue Avatar
    Barbara Shallue

    Personal rejection hits me harder, too, but for some reason, I've gotten much better at letting those go. Unfortunately, not until they make me feel like an insecure ten-year-old all over again!

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