Through the window, I see my brother-in-law's SUV pull up in front of the house. Several younger men gather to help maneuver my mother down from her seat and into the waiting wheelchair.

For a moment exhaustion pinches her face from the three-hour road trip and constant struggle to breathe, but then I see that familiar smile bloom wide, right to the edge of joyful laughter, so contagious that everyone around her smiles, too.

She said she wouldn't miss her grandson's wedding, and by golly, she made it.

I sigh in relief. Maybe she didn't have doubts about her attendance, but I sure did. Eight months ago, for reasons that still haven't been clearly diagnosed, her muscle strength and balance disappeared. Walking was already a challenge because of her asthma, but now she couldn't even stand without support.

At first she fought it, believing she just needed to push herself to build up her strength. She accepted the wheelchair as a temporary accessory, but if you turned your back for a second, she would jump up and try to walk. Upon waking in the morning, she would automatically head down the long hallway, alone and unassisted, to the bathroom.

Consequently, she fell. A lot. I witnessed a few of the falls myself, including one in the middle of the night when she took my dad down on top of her in the bathroom (he tried to stop her fall) and we subsequently spent the night in the emergency room.

I'm not sure how many other falls there were. She and Daddy tried to keep them secret.

"Mama, stop trying to walk without help. You don't want to miss the wedding, do you?" 

She didn't. But it still took a few reminders before she started behaving and playing it safe, using the wheelchair to go down the hall and letting Daddy hover nearby when she needed to stand.

It's been a tough transition for all of us. Mama has always been the caregiver, so strong she makes the Steel Magnolias look like a bunch of wilting lilies. She's the Serenity Prayer and "where there's a will, there's a way" all rolled up in one, put into action. When something needed to be done, she just did it, without any whining or woe-is-me-ing. 

She spent sleepless nights nursing us through the usual and not-so-usual childhood illnesses and injuries…encephalitis, whooping cough, dislocated hips. Later, in her forties, Mama maneuvered my quadriplegic brother's six-foot-frame in and out of his wheelchair, despite her petite size. And just a few years ago, in her late 70's, she took care of my older sister following her hip surgery. 

 

Mama was with me to welcome my firstborn into the world, watched him while I worked and his dad went to school, and attended every special event of his life. There was no way in hell she'd miss his wedding, even if it meant relying on others for a change and accepting life in a wheelchair…at least for a little while. 

God, grant me the serenity…



Mama and tommy 1 86 cropped

 

In honor of Mother's Day, Generation Fabulous asked us to talk about that other fabulous generation – our mothers. Whether we like it or not, and whether we knew them or not, our mothers helped shape us into the women we are today. I realize I'm blessed with an amazing mother and the chance to know her through the eyes of an adult, and I'm happy I got to share a little bit about her with you. To read more mom stories, go HERE.

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39 responses to “God, Grant Me The Serenity…”

  1. Ginger Kay Avatar

    I love the way you describe your mom, “the Serenity Prayer and “where there’s a will, there’s a way” all rolled up in one, put into action.” Beautiful.

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  2. Karen D. Austin Avatar

    What a strong person. A great character sketch. My best to her as she manages her mobility challenges.

    Like

  3. Brenda Nowicke Avatar
    Brenda Nowicke

    Great job of describing our wonderful mother, Barb. I’m grateful that she and Daddy are still with us, and I’m still learning from them.

    Like

  4. SHE Avatar

    I didn’t realize you mother was suffering this way. She sounds like a very strong woman!

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  5. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    She truly is, Jill. I wish I had half her strength! I'd buckle under the weight of some of the things she's gone through.

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  6. Suldog Avatar

    One of the constants of my life has been The Serenity Prayer. An embroidered copy of it hung in my childhood home, and the same one now hangs over our mantel in the living room in Watertown. It has been a source of strength, over and over and over again. I’ve always had a bit of trouble with the “Wisdom” part of the equation…
    God bless you both.

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  7. Connie McLeod Avatar

    My Mom has just transitioned from walker to wheelchair. I too have spent more days than I care to remember in the ER with her. It’s so hard to watch our parents grow frail. I try to treasure every moment with her. It’s obvious you do too.

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  8. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    I do. I wish they lived closer. But I'm grateful they're just a few hours away. I make it a point to visit at least once a month.

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  9. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    That part about Wisdom is tricky for all of us, I think. Sigh.
     

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  10. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    I'm grateful we still have them to continue teaching us, too! We are so blessed.

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  11. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Thank you, Karen. Yes, despite her physical limitations, she's still strong. Perhaps growing even stronger because of them.

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  12. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Thank you. It just seemed to fit!
     

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  13. Dona Highfill Avatar

    I watched my father make that transition when he was in his early 60’s (cancer). Watching your parents wilt, even a little, sometimes wilts your own spirit. But then you see their soul, their smile, and you realize they are forever. Thank you for sharing this absolutely beautiful story.

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  14. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    You are exactly right. At the beginning of the shift, you tend to lose sight of them for a moment, perhaps out of fear? But then they're back, and you realize they didn't really leave.

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  15. Hilary Avatar

    You surely come from good stock, Barbara. Your lovely mother is a model of strength and determination. I’m so glad she was able to make it to your son’s wedding.

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  16. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    I am, too! The past few months have been such a roller coaster between her and my dad. But she truly is amazing, considering all she's gone through in her life. And she can always find something to smile or laugh about. (Another great lesson she taught me!)
     

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  17. Lady Fi Avatar

    It’s so hard seeing our once strong parents get frail.
    A lovely tribute to your mother.

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  18. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Thank you, Fi. Yes, and for some reason it makes me feel old.

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  19. lisleman Avatar

    Seeing the ones that were your support growing-up now needing support is hard to accept. As life changes for her I suspect the family support becomes more important. All the best for you and the family.

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  20. Ms. A Avatar

    God bless her… she sounds amazing!

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  21. Gail Avatar

    So glad she was able to be there for the big day. Your mom sounds like an amazing woman and a blessing to those around her.

    Like

  22. lisa Avatar

    What beautiful words for your Mom, Barbara.
    It is so good that she was able to be there for the wedding.
    You are very fortunate to have her for your Mom.

    Like

  23. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    I agree that I'm very fortunate! And what an answer to my prayers (and hers, too, I'm sure!) that she was at the wedding.

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  24. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    I've always been grateful she was my mom, but the older I get, the more amazing I realize she is.

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  25. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    She really is. I am blessed!
     

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  26. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Yes, it's been an adjustment, one I don't think you can really ever prepare for. But I'm grateful I'm able to repay some of the support they always gave me. And they still continue to give me support. I don't think that ever ends. Thank you, Bill!
     

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  27. grownandflown Avatar

    Barbara, I love this and think your mom must have amazing strength and will. I want to see photos from the wedding and hear about the beautiful smile on her face as she celebrates with her precious grandson on his big day. Big day for her and you, too!

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  28. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Thank you! I shared a few photos of the wedding in another post, but none of her yet. I was forbidden from bringing my camera – they wanted me to relax, can you imagine? So I’m hoping someone captured a photo of her with my son for me! But even if there aren’t, I have the images in my mind and heart, which is all that matters.

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  29. Katie Avatar

    Such a beautiful tribute to your mother, Barbara!

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  30. Helene Cohen Bludman Avatar
    Helene Cohen Bludman

    I am so glad your mom was able to be at the wedding. I bet nothing would have kept her away. I love your post, Barbara. I feel love and concern oozing from every sentence.

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  31. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Thank you, Helene. I think the chance of missing that wedding was the only reason she played it safe and didn't risk falling the past few months. I don't know how I'm going to get her to behave now!

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  32. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Thank you, Katie, but she deserves all this and more!

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  33. Andrea Avatar

    This is beautiful. I pray that you & mom are granted serenity. Stopping by from the blog hop.

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  34. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Thank you so much, Andrea! (I'm still making my way through the hop, too!)

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  35. LaTonya Avatar

    Lovely, Barbara. My own mother is still stubborn. We all wish she’d have back surgery. She is afraid and I understand but it’s hard to see the woman who ran everything and everybody, frail and in pain. Sorry. We all want the mother who nutured and saved us. Thank you.

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  36. Carpool Goddess Avatar

    Your mom sounds like an incredibly strong woman and role model. Lovely post.

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  37. Wolf Pascoe Avatar

    Love that photo. So beautiful.

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  38. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    She really is…which I think makes it even tougher on her to have to let others do things for her. Thank you!
     

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  39. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Thanks, Wolf. It’s one of my favorites.

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