august 2013-2-2

 

I got a letter this past weekend. A real letter, written just to say hi, how are you, I'm thinking of you, and catch me up on the doings of my friend's life. What he's working on, what he's reading, what he's thinking about. It wasn't a required letter – a thank you or a filler around something he needed to send me.

It was just a letter.

Once upon a time, I wrote letters like that. And received them. Lots of them. It was how I kept in touch with my cousin, my grandmother, the teacher who left mid-year to move to the Dominican Republic, the boys I met at Garner State Park, the friends who went off to college…

I loved getting letters, so I wrote letters. Sometimes on pretty stationery, but more often on plain notepaper, because I could write pages and pages and pages!

Now, after just a few lines my hand and fingers are tired.

I never had great handwriting (I specifically remember getting a 'B' in 4th grade, Ms. Haygood!) but at least it was legible. Now, even before my hand gets tired, I have limited control of the pen or pencil; it'll go zigzagging off on its own wild adventure across the page.

The letter was from a writer friend. He has decided too much time on the internet has made him lose focus and it has affected his work. He's getting back to plain old paper, for his writing, communication (when possible), and for leisure, as in reading books with pages of paper.

Perhaps tonight I'll pull out some paper and re-train my fingers to hold a pen, to tame it to create legible words on a page once again.

What about you? Do you write letters the old-fashioned way? When was the last time you received one?

 

*******************************************************


Before I could publish this post, I received a phone call that required me to add a little bit here on the end.

My friend's letter mentioned a plan to get together with Joe, a classmate of ours from high school who was visiting Los Angeles. Joe, too, had sent me a Facebook message letting me know he'd be seeing my friend. I told him to tell him hi for me.

That evening Joe posted a photo of them on our class Facebook page, smiling, toasting their friendship and life.

The next morning, Joe died of a massive heart attack.

What's the moral of this story? I'm not sure.

I know I'm grateful for all of the ways I've been able to stay in touch with my longtime friends and get to know some of those faces from my past as adults. I'm grateful for letters, for email, for Facebook, and for phone calls that draw us together in times of joy and sorrow.

Perhaps the moral has something to do with living each day to the fullest, for not letting opportunities slip by to spend time with a friend or loved one.

Maybe it's to present a smile to the world at all times, like Joe did, no matter what's going on in your life, and in that way inspire others to find a way to smile, too.  

I don't know. But I do know I'll miss seeing that smile.

Rest in peace, Joe. 



J and B in LA 2013

“My
friends have made the story of my life. In a thousand ways they have turned my
limitations into beautiful privileges.”

~Helen Keller

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31 responses to “A Letter in the Mailbox”

  1. Ms. A Avatar

    So sorry for the loss of your friend.

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  2. Jennifer Richardson Avatar

    How beautiful and rare to get a handwritten letter
    …I treasure the ones my son wrote from overseas.
    That’s the good stuff….the real stuff of the heart.
    I almost always write it out by hand,
    a big lover of pen and paper.
    Nice to hear I’m not the only dinosaur left:)
    love to you and thanks for sharing your life and heart,
    Jennifer

    Like

  3. VM Sehy Avatar

    Sorry about your friend. You never know. I, too, used to write lots of long letters to anyone I could. I try to answer Christmas cards, but I’m not very good at making the time. Even my long time friends are on Facebook or we send emails. I will admit it’s not the same. My Mother-In-Law sends birthday cards, but I haven’t received regular letters since my mom passed.

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  4. lisa Avatar

    How nice to get the letter, Barbara.
    I find that I really miss letter writing and receiving.
    Wishing you a great day!

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  5. Kathy Avatar

    Such a bittersweet post. (Me too for realizing that too much time on the internet can and does affect relationships – less real time because the supposed intimacy of Facebook masquerades as real time. We all have to find a healthy balance of how we use the internet with our lives offline – your post pulled at my heart because I’ve been wrestling w/this too.)
    One of the blessings of technology is how quickly we can enter each other’s lives – how quickly FB connected you with your friend – with a photo that, knowing you, you will cherish for a long time. And what a lovely photograph …

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  6. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    It is easy to dismiss the intimacy we develop from our online friendships, but it helped all of us know Joe in a way that just wasn't possible before, and made the face-to-face encounters more worthwhile. But old-fashioned letters convey a sense of the person writing them in a way that a quick Facebook, or even blog post, never could. Besides the tangible evidence of that person you hold in your hands, and the time and effort – and expense – that allowed it to get there.
     

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  7. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    I’m not surprised you take the time to write letters by hand, Jennifer. Do you get replies? I used to write so many and it surprises even me that I don’t anymore, but very few people write back. Now I’m doing good to send a thank you card!

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  8. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Thank you. It was such a shock. But maybe that's the way to do it…as long as you live every day all the way.
     

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  9. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    I’m not good at making the time, either. This year I’m going to try to change that. I truly miss it and treasure the ones I’ve received throughout my life. Email and FB are great, but just not the same.

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  10. Beth Ann Chiles Avatar

    I love writing letters and receiving them. When the four kids in our family each left for college all my mom and dad asked from us was to write home every week. I did it religiously. I make greeting cards now as a hobby and I almost always include a handwritten letter in them when I send them out. It is a lost art. I may not always write something profound (if ever!) but at least the recipient knows I took the time. Thanks for the wonderful post today.

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  11. Carol Cassara Avatar

    I miss getting letters in the mail, too. Just finished a fat collection of the Queen Mum’s letters–how graciously they were written! I love to write them but my hands get tired. Related to this is the demise of cursive. I wrote about this a couple years ago:
    http://carolcassara.com/2011/09/cursive-fast-becoming-a-lost-art.html

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  12. silverneurotic Avatar

    I’m so sorry for your loss.

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  13. Wolf Pascoe Avatar

    What about a typed letter? Does that count? Is there a difference if it’s typed on a computer or a real typewriter? Just lining up my ducks here. And which is Joe–on the left or right?

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  14. Lady Fi Avatar

    So sorry to hear about your friend’s loss.

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  15. lisleman Avatar

    Your update at the end of the story is very shocking. I imagine your letter writing friend was even more shocked since he was the last to enjoy time with him.
    I know what you mean about retraining your fingers to write. I recently wrote a granddaughter a letter since she asked my daughter to have Papa send her some mail. Another drawback to hand writing besides the difficulty of being legible is lack of spell check.

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  16. Brenda Nowicke Avatar
    Brenda Nowicke

    I have at least 50 letters Grandmother wrote me. Mostly they are just descriptions of her daily life — almost journals. Nothing exciting, but I treasure them and am so glad she took time to write them.

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  17. lisleman Avatar

    I’ll assume you will still see this even if it is left on an older post. Today’s column by Mary Schmich in the Chicago Tribune mentioned a poem titled “The Real Work” by Wendell Berry.
    I think you’ll related to it. I did.
    http://eekim.com/blog/2012/06/the-real-work-a-poem-by-wendell-berry/

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  18. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Thank you so much for sharing that with me. Oh, I do relate to it for sure, and had never read it.
     

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  19. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    I loved the way she described her day and treasure the ones I have now. I'm grateful we had that connection and the chance to get to know her better.
     

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  20. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Yes, my friend in LA took it really hard, I think. It was such a shock, since Joe had just posted that photo the night before. You just never know! I hope your fingers get in shape to write a lot of letters to your granddaughter. I treasure the ones I have from my grandmother!
     

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  21. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Thank you! It was a tough week.
     

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  22. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Thank you. It was a tough week. We lost another classmate a few days later.
     

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  23. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Your parents were so smart. Now you have those letters from yourself sharing your life at the time. I'm sure at the time they also just wanted to hear from you! I agree with you that it's becoming a lost art. I'm going to try hard to slow its death a little, just as you are!
     

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  24. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Cursive is becoming a lost art! A lot of schools don't even teach it anymore. So sad. 
     

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  25. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Cursive is becoming a lost art! A lot of schools don't even teach it anymore. So sad. 
     

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  26. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    It’s truly become a lost art, hasn’t it? I miss it, too.

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  27. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    I think a typed letter definitely counts, as long as it travels via snail mail and surprises someone on the other end. Joe is on the left. My friend Tully is on the right – he recently wrote an e-book that I haven’t read, too. My collection is growing. Sigh.

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  28. Hilary Avatar

    How shocking to lose your friend. I’m so sorry for your loss.

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  29. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    There has just been too much loss lately. We had another today, in my husband's family. Too much, too much.
     

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  30. Agnes Avatar

    So sorry to hear Barbara, so sorry.

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  31. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Thank you, Agnes. I know you understand the feeling.
     

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