There's a small pond tucked into the bottom of a hill down the road from our house. It can be counted on to hold water when the others have all dried up, deep enough that our Max puppy could really swim in it sometimes, not just wade. He loved it.  

May 2014-0267

 

One morning on our walk a few weeks before he left us, Max started up the trail that leads to the pond. I was nervous, because the sides of the pond are so steep and deep, and his legs were so weak, I knew if he went in, he'd never make it out by himself. 

But after just a few steps in the direction of the pond, he stopped and looked back at me, as if he was thinking the same thing. 

"Let's just go back to our pond, Max," I told him. "You can swim there."

He must have agreed, because he immediately turned around and headed back down the road to our house.

I visited that little pond yesterday morning for the first time since Max's last swim. I thought about him and all of the mornings Belle and I stood on the trail above the pond and waited for him while he soaked and swam.

I wondered if the last time he swam there, he knew it might be his last. (I know I didn't. He kept surprising me.)

Whether he realized it or not, I bet he cherished every minute of it, and gave thanks in whatever way dogs do that it was there. 

We rarely know when we're experiencing the "last" of something … the last conversation or hug or kiss. The last walk with a beloved old puppy dog. Or the last Thanksgiving with a loved one.

All too often, we take it for granted there will be a "next time".  We're human, after all, and life moves fast. 

Last year we traveled to Houston to celebrate Thanksgiving a day late with my mom.  I knew it would be the last time we celebrated in my childhood home, and that knowledge weighed on me every minute.

It was also the first Thanksgiving without Daddy. I was grateful for the chance to be there for Mama, but it was definitely a bittersweet celebration. In fact, I completely forgot about it until my sister reminded me yesterday. 

I'd rather remember all the Thanksgivings there that came before it.

 

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Today I'll be celebrating with my son, my daughter-in-law, and her extended family, just as we did last year. It might be a new tradition. It might not.

 

But it will be the "last" in some way, that's guaranteed, although I don't want to think about it like that. I just want to slow down and savor, to imprint the people I'm with and the moments of the day into my memory, and give thanks for them and all of the many blessings in my life…

…which includes you. I'm so grateful for you, and wish you a blessed Thanksgiving!

 

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18 responses to “Reflections on Gratitude, and “Lasts” (and Happy Thanksgiving to you!)”

  1. Rae Sinor Avatar
    Rae Sinor

    Beautiful and a bit bittersweet..(I detect that in your words, just a little)
    Love you sweet friend!!

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  2. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Yes, I couldn't help feeling that way today. Mama was too weak to go with us to Tommy's and it made me sad. But I'm hoping it motivates her to get out of bed and do her physical therapy, so she can come to our house for Christmas. Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you had a wonderful day! Love you!
     

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  3. Ms. A Avatar

    Hope your day was wonderful and many memories were made.

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  4. lisleman Avatar

    I was missing my mom the other day. Thinking about the upcoming T-day with the in-laws and how long ago it has been that I had T-day with my mom made me a upset. Should we get angry about death? I don’t know. I know after feeling angry about it, it all seems like a waste of energy. Do we just want what we don’t have anymore? Emotional stuff that doesn’t lend itself to understanding. all the best.

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  5. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    I don't get angry about death or loss. It's not like we haven't been warned. But I hate when I'm too aware of imminent loss and/or change. I definitely think that's a waste of time and creates missed opportunity for joy. But you're right – it's all emotional stuff that doesn't lend itself to understanding. Wishing you all the best in this holiday season, Bill. I hope the memories bring you joy and you're able to soak up the present. (That's what I'm hoping for myself, too!)
     

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  6. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    It was and they were! I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving, too!
     

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  7. Wolf Pascoe Avatar

    I’ve read that the ancients–some of them, anyway–believed it was important to keep the knowledge of death close, so as not to take things for granted.

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  8. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    I agree, as long as it doesn't cloud your joy of the present, instead. Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving!
     

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  9. Hilary Avatar

    Bittersweet and tender, and understandably so. But also so full of the gratitude that you always exude. I hope you had a lovely day.

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  10. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Thank you! I really did, even though my mom wasn't able to join us. She's still too weak. I'm trying to motivate her to do her PT so she can come to our house for Christmas. We'll see if she cooperates. Sigh.
     
     

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  11. Lady Fi Avatar

    Awww – what bitter-sweet memories!
    I’ve got shots of Oscar’s last dive and swim – as you say, they’re poignant because you never know when is the last time…

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  12. Jennifer Richardson Avatar

    Oh my heart.
    I needed this powerful reminder.
    Thanks for helping me remember to cherish,
    to remember that littles may be lasts.
    Much thanks,
    Jennifer

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  13. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    I think it's important to remember, but at the same time, if you dwell on it too much, it can be depressing! I'm trying to find the balance between cherishing and letting go, moving forward. Sigh.
     
     
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  14. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    Aren't you glad you took all of those photos? There were times when I would think I already had enough, but I'm glad I ignored myself and took more. 
     

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  15. Gail Avatar

    The stories of Max and the pond were so poignant. Your thoughts made me reflect more on the not knowing when our last visit or last anything will be. We ought to treat every day, every encounter, as though it might be the last. Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

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  16. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    You're absolutely right!
     

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  17. Tabor Avatar

    We must bend like the willow or we will break. Traditions modify, change and sometimes end, but we always have the memories.

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  18. Barbara Shallue Avatar

    That's so true. My grandmothers survived so much with cheerful spirits, and I know it's because they were so flexible, plus they held onto their memories, but spent more time looking forward than back. 
     

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