Long Hollow

It didn't hit me until today, but I'm sure my mom must have been a bit nervous as the birth of my first child drew close. After all…

1. I had been the baby of our family… and relished the role
2. As a little girl, I preferred stuffed animals to baby dolls.
3. My only two babysitting gigs were with older children.
4. I had never even changed a diaper!

Despite all of that, she bit her tongue and only offered advice, or shared experience, when asked. She was there with us in the hospital when he was born, but once home, she left us alone to figure out our new roles and relationships. 

It went beyond just trusting me not to inadvertently kill him. I felt she truly believed in my ability to be a good mother, and that gave me the confidence I needed  to trust my own instincts, and even to ask for her advice when necessary. 

I'm sure I did things differently than she did, but if she ever gave advice, it was offered in such a way that I didn't feel the need to defend my decisions or methods. I read all of the baby books I could get my hands on and subscribed to Parents magazine, but it helped knowing she was there as a major resource, or at least a sounding board. 

When my grandson was born a few months ago, my mind naturally traveled back to those days.  As usual, I turned to my mom; I started channeling her to help me in my new, unfamiliar role as grandmother. After all, it had been years since I held a newborn or changed a diaper!

His birth triggered so many memories, and I felt myself wanting to talk about my own experience, but I bit my tongue (or tried to), realizing my chatting may be taken as criticism.

Because despite the fact that this is their first, I knew beyond doubt they would be wonderful parents, even if they did some things differently than I did. Every child is different, with different needs, so there is no one "right" way, anyway. 

And obviously, they are doing an awesome job.

(My Mama would just eat him up, I know.)

I'll continue channeling her as he grows to help me stay close, but on the sidelines, ready and willing to help with whatever is needed, and always strictly adhering to their guidelines. I hope to at least come close to being the grandmother she was… 

On Mama's 77th birthday, I listed the things she had taught me, and then added to it every year. After her death, I expected Lesson #84 to be the last one.

It turns out she is still teaching me, so the list continues, and I imagine it will as I continue on into all the new territory that comes with growing older. Thank you for being such a great teacher, Mama, without ever utttering one lecture. (That's one lesson of hers I didn't learn, unfortunately! Sorry kids!)

Without further ado, here's the complete list with links to her previous birthday posts….

Things Mama has taught me…

1. it's never too late to learn something new
2. if you have a choice between laughter and tears, choose laughter.
3. don't let anyone mess with your babies!
4. only give advice when asked for it (I'm still working on that one)
5. pray every day
6. pray some more
7. reading a good book might not solve your problems, but it's a nice escape from them
8. bend but never break
9. some people are just takers
10. be nice whenever possible, but sometimes nice doesn't cut it
11. take care of family
12. we're all individuals – let your kids blossom into themselves, not "mini-me's"
13. be there
14. Johnny Weismuller is the best movie Tarzan
15. don't be in a rush to be older than you are – you're only going to be this age once in your life
16. if you like something, and you'll use it, and you can afford it, then buy it, or you'll regret it later
17. quality over quantity
18. never think "can't"
19. people will stand in line for a dead skunk if it's free
20. roll with the punches
21. have fun
22. laugh often
23. believe in yourself
24. don't let others change who you are
25. be honest
26. don't steal
27. forgive yourself
28. God loves me
29. don't judge
30. just do it!
31. inside matters more than outside
32. don't use God's name in vain
33. you can learn anything if you put your mind to it
34. you're never too old to dance
35. it's okay to ask for help
36. show appreciation and express gratitude
37. use my manners
38. consider the source
39. an office or position of authority should be respected, but the individual in that position has to earn your respect
40. sleep is good
41. take advantage of opportunities
42. keep your eyes open and your wits about you
43. people aren't always nice
44. things can't make you happy
45. use your imagination
46. just get started and the rest will be easy
47. don't be intimidated by anyone – we're all the same, all human, we all have strengths and weaknesses
48. you can love someone even if you don't like them
49. forgive but don't forget
50. learn from others' mistakes
51. there are times for being patient, and time for putting your foot down
52. speak up
53. stand up for what you believe in
54. admit your mistakes and expect others to do the same
55. persistence pays off
56. let your kids be kids
57. love unconditionally
58. take lots of pictures
59. kids grow up fast
60. your kids need a mother, not another friend
61. pets are family
62. help others
63. a sense of humor is essential for sanity and survival
64. if you look close enough, you can find something to love about everyone
65. coffee is good anytime
66. messes can be cleaned up
67. prayer works
68. God is strong all the time – let him carry you
69. if you say you're going to do something, do it
70. be nice to yourself in case no one else is
71. you have to show respect to get respect
72. girls are tough
73. don't put up with temper tantrums – yours or someone else's
74. listen to your body – doctors don't know everything
75. don't say everything you're thinking
76. asking questions is the best way to learn something
77. your babies are always your babies (and their babies are your babies, too!)
78. God is. 
79. Just listen. 
80. people are more important than things
    
81. there is a time to help others, and a time to let others help you
82. God has his reasons, and He will give you whatever strength you need for the road ahead…and never leave you to walk it alone.
83. smile and show appreciation to those who are willing to help you – they may have it tougher than you in many ways
84. Appreciate every second you're given, because life is beautiful.
85. Treasure the people in your life; take advantage of every chance you have to be with them, or to help them, even on days you don't like them.
86. Don't wait for things to be perfect to travel. Just GO!
87. How to be a good grandmother

Happy birthday, Mama, and thank you. I miss you. 

"My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words, but I always remember the tune." ~Terri Guillemets